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  • J U L Y 2014
      July 2014

    July 30
    Rest in Peace
    Ric and Chloe May 2007

    July 28
    out of office will soon be off;
    i am still out of office; in body and spirit;
    monday monday

    later in the day...

    a curvy smile on the metro reminded me of a dream.
    i thought i would tell it here.

    a long time ago, in a town not so far away, there appeared a girl.
    not only endowed with the longest straight black hair;
    with the curviest of bright-eyed smiles;
    and the most confident fingers on the baby grand;
    but she was American too.
    she arrived, clean off the boat, and fell smack dab in love with HIM.
    i stopped hanging out with her after that.

    and, last night, i dreamt of her.

    then today, the girl on the metro with the curviest of smiles,
    reminded me of that dream, and that i should tell this story.

    exiting the metro, head down and umbrella drawn,
    miserable people pass me by one by one.
    other cities have their smooth roads; fancy malls; and higher rises.
    but back in my rainy city, i'm comforted to be anonymous,
    invisible, and miserable too.

    hiding under the limelight, here, no one expects me to smile,
    to produce, to entertain, or to succeed. i'm allowed to hide.
    i give myself permission.

    July 27

    fish swim;
    kids yell;
    woke at 11:17, thought the clocks were broken.
    coffee in hand, sun is still shining, ears ring,
    children are no where to be found, when adults sleep.

    who has a stiff neck, that girl who writes in the third person, that's who.
    clickety clack, weird dreams and all,
    it's a hot day.
    time to pick up the telephone.

    July 25
    all of us to our devices;
    sunlight streams in through drawn grey blinds;
    air conditioners hummmmm
    warmed brown liquids through a straw;
    it's ten-twenty-one and an erry feeling draws over me now.
    meeting yawns with morning hugs;
    was i pretty yesterday?

    July 22

    morning has broken, but not badly, even without cherry juice.


    July 21
    leaving in a silver truck
    toronto-bound, the big city,
    this body slept,
    see you on the 26th.

    July 19

      my dreams swept me away, but i still woke up here.
    sunday sunday, already 24 degrees on the decarie,
    cars hummmm and roar, the early birds have packed their lunches,
    a man's bare bottom protrudes from my bedroom,
    and some of us dreamers are still chewing our cheeks.

    a barbie cake was made,
    under the woodpeckers, i'm here to annouce vacation,
    and although i'm excited, there's a pall of sadness sewn through this week,

    July 18

    staring and chewing, not much is coming out.
    it's Friday. i should move. he's not moving.
    the fish grumble to my right, the radio inaudible,
    the girls sleep.

    even the strong java passes me by; though i slept;
    i danced; and i had some fun for a change.

    now it's mid-summer, like a dream, but not,
    he's busy, he's afraid, but he's ok.
    and i'm ok too.

    July 16
    yes it's all about you.

    the words i woke with
    might seem irregular
    but they're words

    and to put them on paper on her birthday
    even more irregular
    but these heaving, aching breasts,
    as you can see, it's all about me,
    (it's all about you, too, by the way)
    are telling me something - as i make my way through a second life -
    or was that third - they are telling me what i hear them tell me,
    and that is a last gasp of air,
    a last taste of triumph,
    as long as i'm still alive,
    i want to be living.

    what was in God's grand design, i just need a bit more time,
    and i might eventually figure that out, too.

    the fish are being heated;
    i have flashbacks;
    but they're all inconsequential;

    and it's all about you , too.

    July 12
    'the big day'

    my eyes dart; that is usually a good sign;
    dreamt all morning, we found money, piles of it,
    then returned it.

     did i sleep? will she be rested? these are the vital signs of a big day.
    inside, my uterus tells me that it's still kickin', i ain't dead yet.
    wish it woulda waited a week. that's the kind of anger than can build;
    even though it's not his fault.

    today there are chirping birds; chirp chirp; the summer chirps;
    there is a perfect stillness in the air; it's her time, now, to move.
    to shake.

    who mourns the loss of verility, i do. people have been civilized right out of their own bodies,
    right out of their own lives, and, i've been saying this for so many years. it's tiresome.

    9% battery, sip that coffee, not sure you're poots anymore, you've come full circle,
    you're sure of yourself, in your lonliness, you're 14 again, you always liked yourself.
    ache, uterus, ovaries, ache some more.

    July 11

    living alone

    yetti mocked me;
    me and my life goal;
    hers is money;
    mine isn't fit to write in public.

    July 10
    if i just write about waking up,
    i woke up.
    pets scurry. leaves twinkle. suns shine.

    i don't do groceries anymore. alot is tied to money, to time,
    although i have some, the regularity, the work,
    became tiresome,
    as soon as i had you.
    i still don't know why.
    and now it's eight.

    i see the end of this tunnel; for it's a tunnel; a dark and lonely tunnel;
    where my thoughts and actions play out in a one woman play;
    where you and i are in arrested development, apart and silenced,
    in body
    in spirit,
    and in mind.

    finally, for once, today, with the end looming,
    i see some beauty in this.
    halelujah is all i can say.

    July 9

    is it wednesday
    when is it thursday
    then friday
    and saturday
    how are days so long
    and unending

    that's really all i have to say
    this time that stretches
    and people who don't believe me
    can jump off

    July 8th
    i like the higher numbers
    moving very slowly

    there is a cruelty in love
    a selfishness

    July 7th

    monday monday;
    it's gray, how am i, badly slept but walking, sipping, tense, feeling
    or avoiding feeling; even a conference tag, meaning, your name, sends a wave of emotions through me.

    beyond words

    it's a difficult brain i have today; wildly strewn thoughts and bodily emotions
    sent me only sleep until 5AM. from then, i was with you, making my way through the night,
    through our life, step by step, from the first moment to the last.

    ballet. teeth. gate 2.


    without you; without you; i woke up without you;

    July 6th

    11:12 AM
    i woke up.

    without you; without you;
    i woke up without you;
    i tried to tweet about love;
    i wrote a facebook story;
    the fact is that time is a privelidge;
    so today, my time here is limited and interupted.
    will i regret it one day?
    it is time i need, then tell me, how selfish is selfish,
    or, should we all take what we need.
    or maybe some of us are special.

    it's hard for me to start july in the face.
    it's a buzzing girl and her birthday plans.
    i'm not given a chance to slowly wake,
    so instead of prose i will just fake it.

    filling a space is important
    especially when there is more of it.

    July 4th

    once you're gone, things change.
    i change.

    July 3rd


    working my way towards rested; a roadblock comes in the form of a doorbell.
    i'm staring now: straight ahead: caffeinated
    and all.

    i'm trapped inside this body, one that uses so much energy for it's brain;
    it's perhaps, a body, aging, which drags around a brain.
    furtive sleep; elusive sleep; evades me.

    and when it starts to work, it tells me that you are leaving me again today.
    that more tears are to come, that my heart will swell, as it does now,
    as they do now.

    and then cars on bridges don't mean much; and dinners,
    and bills to pay, and alternators, and sometimes
    even children bounced around like chips
    however difficult, are the price
    i was willing to pay.

    i will count not days
    but clearing water
    and pools of tears

    in a fish tank.

    July 2nd
    7:42 AM

    June 25th   8:17 am buzzing.

    well there were impromptu BBQs and unexpected declarations of friendship
    and too many numbers and a sad and pensive little girl.
    some warmed my heart and some left it frozen.

    it would be a time to talk in the third person
    now would be.

    i'll just click on twitter
    sip my coffee


    saw a picture on the facebook;
    they were kissing;
    i will love you more than that;

    saw a photo, at the notary
    in a pretty bridal dress;
    i will kiss you more than that;

    they are married, for better, for worse,
    i will love you
    more than that.


    the mEp ... my Electronic pen . . . the 2014 edition and all of the contents therein are copyright  Poot's Place
    1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008,2009, 2010, 2011,  2012 and 2013 and 2014

    ll photography original unless otherwise credited.