• Stephen Curry Shoes
  • curry one
  • kd shoes
  • KD 8
  • air jordan 11
  • kyrie 1
  • Curry 1
  • supra shoes
  • gucci shoes
  • supra shoes
  • KD Shoes
  • Stephen Curry Jerseys
  • lebron shoes
  • Nike Huarache
  • Asics Shoes
  • kd shoes
  • Curry 1
  • kevin durant shoes
  • kyrie 1 shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Shoes
  • kyrie irving shoes
  • kyrie shoes
  • kobe 10
  • irving shoes
  • canada goose jackets
  • kobe 10 shoes
  • Kanye West Shoes
  • kobe shoes
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • curry one
  • curry one
  • Curry One
  • Curry Shoes
  • Baseball Bats
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • Asics Gel Kayano
  • Kanye Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Shoes
  • GZ Shoes
  • Curry One
  • Curry Shoes
  • supra footwear
  • Nike Air Huarache
  • Nike Huarache
  • Kobe Shoes
  • Lebron 13
  • Harden Shoes
  • Curry 1
  • Curry One
  • Kyrie Irving Shoes
  • Kobe Shoes
  • Kobe Bryant Shoes
  • kyrie 1
  • Under Armour Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Design
  • Curry 2
  • Curry 2
  • Curry 2
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Sneakers
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Curry Basketball Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Harden Shoes Sale
  • Yeezy Shoes
  • Harden 1
  • Gucci Shoes Men
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Nike Roshe Run
  • Curry Shoes MVP
  • Under Armour Shoes
  • Asics Shoes
  • Louis Vuitton Handbags
  • Roshe Run Shoes
  • Curry 2
  • curry one
  • Gel Kayano
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Lebron James Shoes
  • Lebron Shoes
  • Salomon Shoes
  • James Harden Shoes
  • Roshe Run
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Roshe Run
  • Curry Shoes
  • Air Huarache
  • Asics Gel
  • West Shoes
  • curry one
  • Nike Roshe Run
  • KD Shoes
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Roshe Run Women
  • supra skytop shoes
  • Nike Kevin Durant Shoes
  • Roshe Run Shoes
  • Roshe Run cheap
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Design
  • Curry Shoes
  • Adidas Air Yeezy
  • Curry Jerseys
  • Curry Shoes
  • Cheap Gucci Shoes
  • Curry Shoes 2015
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Harden 1 Shoes
  • James Harden Shoes
  • James Harden Shoes For Sale
  • Cheap Baseball Bats
  • Harden Shoes
  • Nike Roshe Run Shoes
  • Kanye West Shoes
  • Asics Kayano
  • Kevin Durant Shoes
  • LV Handbags
  • Asics Gel Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Shoes
  • Curry 2016
  • Roshe Run Shoes
  • Cheap Yeezy Shoes
  • Curry Shoes MVP
  • Discount Roshe Run
  • Air Yeezy Shoes
  • Cheap Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Curry Shoes
  • Cheap Curry Shoes
  • UA Curry Shoes
  • Curry Shoes for Boys
  • Cheap Huarache Run Shoes
  • Cheap Curry Shoes
  • Nike Shoes
  • Stephen Curry Jersey
  • James Harden 1
  • Baseball Bats For Sale
  • Under Armour
  • Roshe Run Online
  • Under Armour Curry Shoes
  • Gucci Shoes Women
  • skytop shoes
  • salomon shoes
  • Stephen Curry Shoes 2015
  • Air Huarache
  • Louis Vuitton Bags
  • Cheap Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Salomon Trail Running Shoes
  • kobe x
  • Kobe 10
  • Nike Harden Shoes
  • Asics Running Shoes
  • Yeezy Shoes Sale
  • Salomon Running Shoes
  • Baseball Bats Outlet
  • Yeezy Shoes
  • LV Outlet
  • Cheap Harden 1
  • lebron james shoes
  • Huarache Run Shoes
  • Curry Basketball Shoes
  • Curry Jersey
  • Nike Huarache Shoes
  • KD 8
  • lebron shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kobe shoes
  • kevin durant shoes
  • Cheap Curry Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Sale
  • Asics Gel Lyte
  • Trail Running Shoes
  • West Shoes
  • Baseball Bats Store
  • Huarache Shoes
  • Nike KD 8
  • Curry One Mvp
  • Running Shoes
  • Gucci Outlet
  • Stephen Curry 1
  • Curry 1
  • james shoes
  • nike lebron james shoes
  • Nike Harden Shoes
  • Cheap Curry Jersey
  • Asics Shoes
  • Air Yeezy Shoes Sale
  • Curry Shoes Outlet
  • Yeezy Shoes Sale
  • Curry Shoes
  • Air Huarache Shoes
  • Discount LV Bags
  • Cheap Nike Huarache
  • KD 8
  • Baseball Bat
  • kobe 10
  • kd 7 shoes
  • Louis Vuitton Outlet
  • kd 7
  • kd shoes
  • cheap Roshe Run
  • Asics Gel Nimbus
  • Roshe Run Sale
  • Nike Kobe Shoes
  • Roshe Run Women
  • Gucci Outlet
  • Under Armour Basketball Shoes
  • Gucci Shoes Sale
  • Harden Shoes
  • Air Yeezy Shoes
  • Under Armour Store
  • Baseball Bats Sale
  • Air Yeezy
  • Roshe Run Men
  • Air Yeezy Shoes
  • Asics Shoes Women
  • Asics Gel Kayano
  • Discount KD 8
  • Huarache Shoes
  • Curry Jersey Sale
  • jordan 11
  • jordan retro 11
  • Curry basketball Shoes
  • retro 11
  • Curry 2 Shoes
  • nike jordan 11
  • Nike Air Yeezy Shoes
  • nike air jordan
  • Asics Gel Sale
  • Stephen Curry Jersey sale
  • jordan retro
  • air jordans
  • jordan 11 low
  • Curry Shoes
  • air jordan shoes
  • Discount Air Yeezy Shoes
  • curry 1
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • UA Curry Shoes
  • Under Armour curry one
  • James Harden Shoes
  • Stephen Shoes
  • New Curry Shoes
  • Steph Curry 1
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Asics Shoes Sale
  • Nike Kevin Shoes
  • James Harden Shoes 2015
  • Harden Shoes 2015
  • Nike Roshe Run
  • Asics Shoes Men
  • Roshe Run
  • kobe 10 shoes
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • Air Huarache Run
  • kevin durant shoes
  • Yeezy Shoes
  • Curry One
  • kd shoes
  • kobe basketball Shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kobe shoes 2015
  • Nike Harden Shoes
  • Nike James Harden Shoes
  • Harden Shoes For sale
  • kevin shoes
  • Harden Shoes Sale
  • durant shoes
  • Curry Shoes
  • Kevin Durant Shoes
  • kobe x shoes
  • nike kyrie 1
  • Curry Low Shoes
  • nike free shoes
  • nike free run
  • kd shoes 2015
  • kyrie shoes
  • kyrie irving shoes
  • kobe 10 shoes
  • lebron james jerseys
  • lebron jerseys
  • kobe 10
  • kyrie 1 shoes
  • Huarache Run Women
  • kyrie 1
  • nike free 5.0
  • nike free 5
  • kobe shoes
  • nike Yeezy Shoes
  • KD Shoes
  • kd 8
  • kobe jersey
  • Cheap kobe jersey
  • adidas rose shoes
  • derrick rose shoes
  • lebron james shoes
  • russell westbrook shoes
  • westbrook shoes
  • Huarache Run Men
  • russell shoes
  • Air Huarache Sale
  • jordan westbrook shoes
  • lebron james jersey
  • kyrie irving shoes
  • nike kyrie 1
  • Curry Shoes Sale
  • Nike Huarache Sale
  • cheap kyrie 1
  • michael jordan jerseys
  • jordan jerseys
  • michael jerseys
  • kevin durant jersey
  • kd jersey
  • kevin jersey
  • kobe bryant jerseys
  • kobe bryant jersey
  • james jerseys
  • cheap lebron jerseys
  • d rose shoes
  • rose shoes
  • lebron james jerseys
  • lebron jersey
  • james jersey
  • d rose shoes
  • rose shoes
  • adidas rose shoes
  • lebron james shoes
  • michael jordan jersey
  • nike shoes
  • lebron james shoes
  • kd shoes
  • kd shoes
  • Curry 1
  • Curry 1 Shoes
  • Stephen Curry 1
  • kd 7 shoes
  • kd 7
  • lebron shoes
  • cheap lebron james shoes
  • nike lebron shoes
  • lebron shoes
  • kyrie irving shoes
  • kyrie shoes
  • kyrie 1 shoes
  • irving shoes
  • lebron 12
  • lebron 12 shoes
  • lebron shoes
  • air max shoes
  • nike air max shoes
  • nike air max
  • durant jersey
  • kevin durant shoes
  • kd vii
  • kd 7
  • kobe bryant jersey
  • kobe bryant jerseys
  • kobe jerseys
  • UA Curry Low Shoes
  • bryant jerseys
  • adidas porsche shoes
  • adidas porsche design shoes
  • lebron james shoes
  • kobe shoes 2015
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes 2015
  • nike air shoes
  • nike air max shoes
  • cheap air max shoes
  • air max shoes
  • kd vii shoes
  • nba jerseys
  • herve leger
  • cheap herve leger
  • kd shoes
  • kevin durant shoes
  • cheap kd shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • bryant shoes
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe shoes nba
  • cheap kobe shoes
  • kd shoes
  • kevin durant shoes
  • kevin durant shoes
  • kd 7 shoes
  • kevin durant shoes mvp
  • Griffin Shoes
  • Cheap Jordan Griffin Shoes
  • Jordan Griffin Shoes
  • Hyperdunk Shoes
  • porsche design shoes
  • adidas porsche design
  • adidas shoes
  • kevin bryant shoes
  • kd shoes store
  • kd 7
  • nba jerseys store
  • herve leger dresses
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kd shoes
  • kd sneaker
  • jeremy scott adidas
  • jeremy scott wings
  • jeremy scott shoes
  • kobe shoes 2015
  • js wings
  • lebron shoes
  • louis vuitton sale
  • louis vuitton handbags
  • louis vuitton bags
  • louis vuitton
  • lv handbags
  • lv bags
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes 2014
  • Blake Griffin Shoes
  • Jeremy Scott Wings 3.0
  • adidas wings 3.0
  • js wings 3.0
  • Kevin Durant Shoes
  • Los Angeles Clippers Jerseys
  • Toronto Raptors Jerseys
  • kd 6
  • kd 7
  • kobe 9
  • Kyrie 1
  • Nike Kyrie 1
  • Kyrie 1 Shoes
  • Kyrie Irving 1
  • KD 7 Women
  • Lebron 12
  • Lebron 10
  • Lebron 11
  • Louis Vuitton SUNGLASSES
  • Louis Vuitton SCARVES
  • Louis Vuitton HATS
  • Louis Vuitton MEN
  • Louis Vuitton WOMEN
  • Gucci Men Fashion Casual Shoes
  • Gucci Men Fashion Dress Shoes
  • Gucci Men High Top Shoes
  • Gucci Men Low Top Shoes
  • Gucci Men Sneakers
  • Gucci Women Boots
  • Gucci Women High Heels Shoes
  • Gucci Women High Top Shoes
  • Gucci Women Low Top Shoes
  • Gucci Women Pumps Shoes
  • Gucci Women Sandals
  • Gucci Women Slipper Shoes
  • Gucci Bags
  • Gucci Handbags
  • Gucci Clothing
  • Gucci Belts
  • Gucci Hats
  • Gucci Jewelry
  • Gucci Sunglasses
  • Gucci Wallets
  • Gucci Mens Hoodies
  • Gucci Mens Jacket
  • Gucci Mens Jeans
  • Gucci Mens Long T-Shirts
  • Gucci Mens Outwear
  • Gucci Mens Short T-Shirts
  • Gucci Mens Suit
  • Gucci Mens Sweater
  • Gucci Mens Waistcoat
  • Gucci Scarves
  • Gucci Ties
  • Gucci Womens Dress
  • Gucci Womens Hoodies
  • Gucci Womens Short Jeans
  • Gucci Womens Suit
  • Gucci Womens T-Shirts
  • Adult Baseball Bats
  • Fastpitch Softball Bats
  • Junior Big Barrel Baseball Bats
  • Senior Youth Baseball Bats
  • Slowpitch Softball Bats
  • Wood Baseball Bats
  • Youth Baseball Bats
  • Youth Big Barrel Baseball Bats
  • Yeezy 2
  • Yeezy 3
  • Yeezy 3 Shoes
  • Yeezy 350 Boost low
  • Yeezy Pure Boost
  • Adidas Kanye West Yeezy 3
  • Adidas Kanye West Yeezy 3 750 Boost
  • Adidas Kanye West Yeezy 3 750 Boost B35309
  • Adidas Kanye West x Yeezy 3 750 Boost
  • April 2015 the mEp
    the mEp.
    april 2015

    may. may you be warm. may.

    april 30

    the focal point that is created as we pass through time
    becomes painfully clear as it grows smaller;
    sharpening the edges around things that shouldn't have been
    and leaving only questions behind.

    the black mollies pool towards the sunlight;
    it streams through the glass into the photosynthetic cells of aquatic plants
    their tiny fragile brains and bones, are aware that food may appear.

    and the same sun fallls on my skin, reflected in the screen of this laptop;
    i have pooled here as well, although for me it highlights only an aging face.

    there are so many untold things in our world
    where people think all is known;
    where women are still largely objects of physical desire;
    why men ignore my words, though wiser than theirs,
    how magic must happen for love to survive;
    how cruel you must be to be true to yourself,
    how silence is greater than words of a feather
    and the monotomy that comes with being alive.

    had a beautiful house i hated in a nice part of town.
    had a fancy car and a fancy patio.

    april 29

    all night i write mEp lines,
    brilliant words on a mobile,
    dangling and on display;
    i can pick those words like low hanging fruit

    in the morning the real thoughts are at bay
    i reach out my hand to grasp them,
    where they were, in this same mind,
    and they are gone, elusive, invisible,
    as though belonging to someone else

    we emulate
    we storytell

    and during the night, i received an intra-venous vaccine, on a ship, nonetheless, with six other people.
    the gentlemen responsible for the ship diligently injected each of us, at a small wooden table at the entrance to the hold,
    first with a red control, then with a long syringe of pale yellow vaccine, directly into each of six veins, as i watched before my turn
    to ensure that the others still looked fine.

    april 28 - later

    social media in a long winter

    first world problems!
    we've all got them.

    • i don’t want to see your cute little dog
    • I don’t want to see your wrinkly-assed cat.
    • I don’t want to hear about your expensive restaurants;
    • I don’t want to see your photos of florida.
    • I don’t want to hear you complain about our elected officials.
    • I don’t want to see flyers of missing people; your weird day at work; your dead second uncle;
    • I don’t want to read your hateful insults towards Palestinians:
    • I don’t want to donate money for your favorite medical cause;
    • your incessant insistence of insinuations insults my in-sensitivities.

    • we want a dog but we cannot have one
    • your hairltaqess cat is ugly
    • your expensive restaurants are expensive
    • i cannot fly to florida but would love to
    • if you don't like our politicians then become one
    • your flyers on facebook of a missing child from Iowa are pointless
    • and your sympathy with his plight is a waste of energy, when there are real things
    • your vitriol towards Palestinians not becoming,
    • medical foundations do not do real research and will never cure cancer,
    • and your ten dollars is pointless because one vial of Taq polymerase costs more than 100 dollars
    • and i most certainly won't have your whining about waiting a week to have your washing machine repaired as thousands of Nepalese dig their dead loved ones out of rocky, graves.

    april 28
    me me me

    yesterday a woman wrote about her book and was accused that it was all about her;
    'me me me' they lashed out at her words;
    while THIS me hung on her every personal experiential words;
    reminding us all what it's like; reminding us what she has learned;
    and what we could have also learned to.
    why did i not learn what she learned.
    what did i not have.
    what did i not know.

    as my mood waxes and wanes wildly;
    settling, distantly, into a new normal;

    everyone gets my sympathy card, except me.

    this is a blog about me.
    since 1996, since 1965, it's always been about me.
    should it not be?

    april 27

    blank blank blank

    her dreams triggered my dreams,
    there is another world inside us all.

    april 25

    it's quiet here in a cold gray spring;
    the numbers on the thermometer are not indicative of the date;
    we have shit to do; we are unkind;
    caffeine on a slept brain is not any use to me today;
    a stiff back and ringing ears wait.
    fish stores and squeals of delight from people receiving invitations;
    unnecessary emails to explain why; i don't have to remind myself.
    9:08 and nothing poetic comes from me - silence is not always golden, sometimes it is ringing too.
    we have tasks on saturday, fish, sewing machines, immigration, invitations,
    i hope they don't sound so boring to you as to me.
    this veiled prose of which i once spoke is leaving me;
    although the words fall quickly and firmly from my brain in black and white
    i cannot feel them dancing, only landing squarely on this page, in an effort to rid them of my webby mind,
    which, for some time now,
    has not been cleared of it's dust. an addiction to twitter notwithstanding, only increases webs,
    fleeting angst, accumulates, and frustrations with the world's inhabitants,
    and their inability to see clearly now. has always annoyed the fucking shit out of me.

    april 24

    there is nothing in a perfect world; it is empty; void of space or time.
    nothing in a perfect space; guilt and dishes.

    once again, it's thursday april 23
    and it's 7:32 am

    hiding in the aka loo, unsure of how i slept, i am interupted by stories about japanese keyboards and translations.
    a successful dinner of chicken deemed expensive by the lady behind me in the grocery store, was a success on many levels,
    the guests liked the food, the wine was excellent, the conversation interesting, and a foreigner got both sides of an age-old debate.

    april 21
    7:19 am

    i am always measuring, guaging, as an ENJF, watching big pictures, and i slept, pre-caffeine ated, here i sit
    in this duplex on the park, the first greens of a summer to replace all the wildest summers of my life still at the end of branches,
    an english essay to be typed to my right, a gurgly stomach, now a chirping bird, as i actively yet patiently wait for the caffeine
    to cross the blood-brain barrier, which it does as if it didn't exist. and thank G#d for that.

    so what part of me has something to say today, 

    april 20 7:11am

    i let only caffeine wake me;
    and only myself rule me.


    April 19 - really Sunday. really Slept.

    of speeches; of stories

    and finally, a night of dreams leaves me with some stories.

    crazy images filled this night of sober sleep; images of a growing girl not a child anymore.

    a mind on replay, rewinding, re-recording, and rehearing your words in the night
    some are beautiful, and some cut like a knife until i wear out that track which i did not appreciate.
    the stories never end; the speeches having beginnings, and endings, and then swaths of editing,
    in a world that bends everyone into and out of shapes shapes you have little control over;

    and a speech written in the corporate hallways
    as my own story unfolds on top of yours;
    it tells itself; it becomes real,
    and as the story's told, as they say, it can't help but grow old

    so as i begin this final speech, i pen a final story,

    'this is the story of who i am, so many stories'

     April 17

    a longish night is over;
    a bug infested bag of birdseed is being thrown into a truck;
    my eyes are still glued together;
    too much cheek-chewing has left me with a sore throat;
    and this coffee tastes odd.

    save and publish with this ring that matches the MacBook Pro;
    i never thought i'd have a Mac and now i never think i'll not have a Mac
    no alt-tabbing, yet, on friday, no shaken or stirred emotions yet, blurry eyes,
    no kissy kissy, and a sore neck, yes, a sore neck.

    if i was a good writer, they would say it, no?

    yes, it is confirmed, now that the badly-tasting coffee has reached thoracic vertebrata #3,
    and while the Swiss man applied math to physics on the edge of the bed,
    i slept like shit.


     April 16

    with your linen suit and your box of champagne, you will sail over the ocean and others will come by car,
    but words of life nor death will not be spoken, however this event which is motivated by them.

    we are allowed to drink, to drive, and to marry, too early.

    April 15

    here we are, alone, waking up to tweets, my world has changed, has yours, i was never your girlfriend and now i am,
    you always want what you used to have.

    after a good sleep i yawned, ringy ears and groggy body, webby brain but clear thoughts, an unusual combination.
    sometimes there's not enough coffee to clear a heavy heart and sometimes not even enough to clear a head.

    how much of other people's lives should affect mine
    and that is all i can think to say in this webby world.

    i cheated there - i've always cheated here - juxtaposing concepts unjuxtaposed - it's not intentional - but it's life.

    monday, April 13 
    there are finallly birds

    between stories, body, veiled or poesie, i must choose. these are the formats of the mEp and which one is today
    or will it be all of them as the caffeine takes extra long to travel. i'm teetering, and perhaps that is normal on a monday.
    i'm not always a monday is bad kinda person but today i have other things on my mind, which are not written here,
    in between or out between of any lines. there are stories i cannot tell. so many stories

    in the night i weave songs; i have tales to tell; my thoughts form mEpwords which tell an intimate story;
    in the morning, they are sometimes and often, gone.

    so with the words of one of the park ladies running through my head, i arrive here to write still
    my book has been written, hurrah, i am not sad. the story needs to be told, no matter who tells it.
    i'm searching for my most romantic words in this country afforded romance, this highly unusual freedom
    which we all seem to take so easily for granted in all our honesty. thank God for her, for Esther Perel, for
    writing my book for me, for understanding Americans better than me, for speaking more languages than me,
    and for believing in my song. yes, mostly, for believing in the same song as me. i can sing it louder now.

    yes it is monday morning, yes it might even be warm today
    but i am here alone, again, with only few words to share.

    pssst... you didn't like my favorite sweater; you didn't like what i said in public; maybe you didn't like me much at all :-)

    April 9   
    ...love is never boastful

    with my third wedding on the horizon, i spend a lot of time thinking about dresses. and invitations. and music.
    and love.
    invitehistorically speaking there is no way to evaluate love; love exists in the here and now; in this moment;  is love, like a sex life, a thing which evolves, as our understanding of life grows, (or shrinks as the case may be), or, is love an absolute, as in, the way my heart still drops in my chest when i see your name in my inbox

    i've decided that i'm not sure i believe in true love, but for sure there is real love. real love is requited, it remembers promises, it speaks softly and in tongues on blogs, and it knows when to shut up. 

    i'm fifty years old and i'm going to have a first dance, goshdarn. and a second. and a third.


    April 8, 8:10PM

    fewer moments are describable but this evening while eating soup with the Salvationists, the silence of the dad was.  he ate his soup, smiling coyly and nodding periodically, and seemingly in a modern way to leave the parenting to her, but not unoticed by me, his silence, was he listening?

    i feel at home with those people; the boisterous, exuberant children, one on each side of the table, as i inhaled the spicy, gluten-free soup, burst forth with reckless abandon, spilling their every idea and thought onto that table, that table with one of many guests, who instinctively wanted to say grace.

    the doorbell rang at precisely fifteen minutes after my arrival, and welcomed were a man from France, a sleeping boy over his shoulder, a girl of about 6 with darker skin than his, and a seriously conspicuously absent mother. the Salvationists get many visitors, and i shed a tear at the joy  of so many visitors as i drove home in the april snow.

    April 6, Easter Monday, 8:18AM
    with itchy well-slept and under-poetic ears, i sip my coffee on the 5th day, finally well slept, well fed, and well paid too.
    some holidays leave the weekly budget in good shape.

    and if my thoughts don't align with Easter Monday, can i write whatever i like? it's a bouncy in between here,
    but mostly good actually, and i know from what i've written lately that it might not be clear. is it clear?
    is it clear to you? the  most important thing to note today is that my mother, in all her goodliness,
    made a statement in her own house, declaring that it was her house and she can say that!
    so even if you were born before 1950, you are in fact allowed to have an opinion, and voice it too.
    so Thank the Lord for that!

    Easter, 4PM, drinking tea.
    i can see the wind howling through the silence here.

    April 5th, Easter Sunday.

    conres"I don't believe in God, but I miss him" - the lady upstairs.

    i absolutely can't write much here; when it comes to religious holidays, the best i can do is wax nostalgic. today these words seem harsh, too black and white, or perhaps i just need more coffee,  balancing this cold machine between bare thighs on a napkin not wide enough.

    facebook is covered with Easter - which i find disingenuous - so i'll stay here a bit longer.

    what is the essence of today, what can it be boiled down to - such old fashioned mEp words, i no longer see the world with such luxury, to reduce thoughts like maple syrup into a pure, sweet nectar, no, the world's not like that anymore, and only of my own creation, should i be proud or not, i don't know.

    the coffee pot and the fish tick and the visitors children counted our pets. no dog, but now twenty-seven baby mollies. i'm not yet anywhere in this brain today; it's not settling, although, i slept, on a cold  Easter morning, the world outside unforgiving,

    palais de congres, montreal

     the world inside still quiet at eight-fifty-eight am, no snoring to be heard, gurgling fish tank water though.

    the guests asked about my book - and well - after a very tiny glass of beer - i actually told them - and the stories flowed - the questions - the lies - and more questions - everyone has them these days - stories - i should weave them into the book - mary anne runs thru my mind - our similarities and our differences -

    April 3rd...
    later on, once sanity returns.

    conversely to modern thought, i don't think you know how much slack you need, until you have spent 24 years resisting a force.

    what i hope for you is that you are never so happy (or pragmatic) as to be drawn towards a state of imperfect happiness in order
    to avoid the anxiety of fearing losing it.

    april fools
    april 3
    night panic

    why do we panic in the night.

    why do we panic in the night.

    why do we panic in the night.

    why do we panic in the night.

    why do we panic in the night

    day panic.
    no one is awake.

    because, we panic in the night.

    pulling a brain out of bad sleep, with coffee, helps, mildly, day panic, quick respires, gasps, at eight twenty two,
    as the leader of the house drinks coffee, amidst a large ham, swiss potatoes, and groggy, foggy brains.

    his loud snores do not signal restful, only fitful sleep, this man i dream of, this man beside me.

    why do we panic in the night.
    why do we panic in the night.

    april fools

    what i do

    barely scraped by a decent day; phones buzzing just after my natural wakeup.
    i'm aware of what it means to turn down a child's request; i do it anyways.

    as the caffeine molecules render my brain, it remembers lapsonyms, wet polishers, and wednesday.
    flying through my mind are wednesdays, cabane a sucres, april fools dances, and European visitors.
    it's alot, for a Holy week, and i recall my childhood, marked by Catholic Holy-Days, where this week
    would have been set aside for fasting, worship, mournful singing, and eventually, praise.
    how life has changed in such a short time.

    the Pastor spoke of the industrial revolution, how much has changed, since then, including roles,
    and, when, in my politest tone i tip-toed around her beliefs (or not) in evolution, she did not flinch,
    and i still do not know what they are, since she did not say.
    i should probably write a real blog. if no one knew who i was i could do that.
    it would explain the painful acceptance of the joys of life. or maybe that's what i already do.

    the mEp ... aka my Electronic pen . . . the 2015 edition ...and all of the contents therein are copyright  Poot's Place

    1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2013, 2014, and 2015.

    All photography original unless otherwise credited.  louern@vif.com