wednesday, hump day, once a week.

ten-twenty one occurs every day
while there are still people who don't believe the daily limit on the bank account i've had since 1978.

you cannot come to my home, my home, is a mess
my home is my home and it's a mess because we live
we live in our home, we move, we eat, we work, we play
you cannot come to my home, it is not your home
your rules are not our rules
your home is not our home

homeyou cannot come to my home, my home is a mess
in any five. minute span, three people who live here
interact with twenty different people
in almost twenty different countries
we move quickly from work, to play, to talk, to politics
we move from Instagram to Twitter to Discord to Moodle
we take deep breaths between deaths
our towels are wet
we send COVID updates to Rimouski;
we face-time with Switzerland
we avoid reality on HouseParty

you cannot come to my house, my house is alive
my house is alive with online orders; and online trolls
with piles of bread, and disappearing milk;
shrimp comes, shrimp goes, Korean knows
alive with food; alive with heat; alive with death

you cannot come to our house
our house is OUR home
not yours.



















april 28
10:21 am
happy ten-twenty-one




april 27

one pm and many hours of staring
into screens with no life in them
all i seek is life really











april 26
what type are you,
now that you are gone,
will i ever know

if we had the energy and time we could open a Hungarian restaurant in your name: Ernie's
maybe in another life, another time.
you had many passions
all of which greet me as i wake up
in this less funny world
without you in it

we roamed the streets of El Segundo;
drinking tequila and singing songs
now you are gone and so is 34 Virginia Ave.
with the mormon's downstairs;
the religious Chicagoans across the hall
and the truck driver aspiring to be an actor


we roamed the streets of Stockholm;
in the winter you gave me a child;
from Gamla Stan to Konsum;
from Sodermalm to Copenhagen;
from the st eriksplan t-bana to budapest;

from Marbella;
to San Francisco;
to Mykonos;
we roamed.



https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.htm




many of you won't believe this:
but it was still, "you and me against the world"
april 24 2020

pandemic
easter
death
taxes



                                                   april 23

                                            getting to the end of my rope with both this page and this keyboard. an aching back and tepid java. a blue sky and ringing ears. the man is still dead, every morning that i wake. i am thankful for things i already forgot. how can one webpage not recall one fucking font.


or one bloody tab. and how does crumbs get into a space bar
over
and
over
and
over
again.

april started out as crickets; silence; peace;
it will end with a different kind of silence
april 22 - earth day - 2020
           i am just being grateful.
flowers_gratefulwhat can you do but be grateful.
i'm just being grateful
as i walk the hall
as i step over stuff
as i open the curtains
as i fold the sheets

the smell of flowers pervades this mess
the dishwasher is full and the sink is too
a box labelled very old fabric and ribbons sits in the middle of the floor

and i'm just being grateful.

i have skip the dishes.
i have no conrona.
i have heating and windows and milk and a bank card and life insurance

i am just being grateful.

i am just being grateful

as i water plants
as i climb over bags of papers
as i pick up a fancy Mac
as i order magnets

i am just being grateful.
there is nothing else to do.
so i am just being grateful.














friends, Marsha Goold

april 20

everything comes full circle eventually

even the font in this application
which doesn't know how to stay









april 19, Covid-time


greensofsummerpage2
april 18 saturday
morning
sunshine
starshine
2020


 Goodbye, my friend
campinggangi will honour your memory in the same spirit with which we connected in the winter of 1980.
with beauty; with humour; with honesty; and with words.
and with the unknown future that always clouded over your heart and mind.

time does not seem to have changed some things and strangely enough it has made others come to life

as this crazy Decarie lady walks the streets of Snowdon in the coming days and months, she will watch the world through two sets of eyes; the ones who walked these streets with you, and the ones who will always walk these streets with you.
 
today's blast from the past, as so many others, seems to portray a person i do not know. that would be that small, blonde woman who more often than not, never looks like she belongs in photos. is it the stoppage of time, that i hate? is it the false sense of camaraderie that i so often felt? is it the forced conformity? whatever it is, i so often do not know that girl. and that is just about the most ironic thing ever.



____________________________________________________________________________________________



 april 16
7:19 AM

all the very serious emotions i have had in my life caught me by surprise.

there were not his best rants
but these were the rants he wrote for the mEp

you were indeed, too kind for this cruel world.


Guest Rants, Ernie Gemmel





rant 1


rant 2
http://www.vif.com/users/louern/rant2.htm


rant 3
http://www.vif.com/users/louern/rant3.htm



rant 4


http://www.themep.com/rant5.htm




april 15
8:00 AM

those were fitting last words for monday, because on tuesday, the goose died.
i never used to understand what it means when people say "the world is a darker place"
after someone dies but now i do.




remember






april 13


hey.
remember that crazy city lady you used to see walking around the Decarie talking to everyone she saw?

you are her.
congratulations, you made it.












april 12 2020

Reflections of Easter through a pandemic hole

you thought you always knew me
because you know nothing else
than what you see;
everything is a reflection of your world, your reality;
like the scene in Picard where they replicate their ship to fool the Romulans;
and i know this now because when i behave in the way i have been behaving for 35 years
you still don't know how to respond.

Easter week used to entail many trips to church;
Thursday night vigil on the blue carpeted altar
singing "I don't know how to love him"
and other American hits
Easter used to bring out all the saddest, and the happiest songs,
dressed in my hippest church clothes
and always windy, colder than what Easter Sunday should be.
Ponchos blowing in the wind
as we hopped up those stairs to rush inside
to meet the smell of Incense
and wood.

Easter used to mean singing about sorrow;
singing about resurrection and Joy;
all in a span of 3 days, a bit of a weird novel, really
and at the end there was ham and wine

and through all of these years that have passed,
from los angeles to stockholm,
from one husband to another,
and a child who leads her own life,
landing in the place i have always longed to be,
they still think that i'm not who i am,
but that i am them, only doing the wrong things
in places they don't want to be,
with people they don't want to be with

and for that
they are unable to communicate
nor i to them.





















april 10
friday zone


why do i feel new york so much
was it sesame street
or billy joel

was it Rhoda
or All in the Family

was it Dick Clarks Rocking New Years
or welcome Back, Kotter

was it The Odd Couple, McLoud, the Odd Couple, the...








not sure which way to view this beautiful spring weather we're having
for the first time since living in this house;
is it a gift to behold, to maintain sanity walking around the park
while the earth itself, comes back to life,
or
is it a missed opportunity; the world telling us that we don't deserve it;

i am not sure;
but a gift was given to me four minutes ago
as i pasted the right font at the top of the page
and haven't sworn at random boldface yet

my arm swings back and forth to the swiss commode;
lifting the Delan mug as many times
between lines
before the morning deadline of 8.30 am
which in Covid-world must be seen as a Godsend;
and not a curse;
being babysat
in return for
payday

april 6 2020

covidcrickets

some serious  privilege lives in this house

atlantic salmon
empty bottles of Bourgogne


whose worldview do you espous the world's ? or your own?
a sleeping professor
a project manager
free education
free attivan

and
a 6 dollar an hour pay cut














april 5 2020

covidcrickets

whose worldview do you espous

the world's ? or your own?










Groceries in the Time of Covid.
leave the house at noon for groceries.
sit down at 3pm.






happily have no idea what they will implement in the long run
they will happily not ca





april 4 2020

 dear poots

one cares about what project management is, or isn't.
they care about their own little world; their own little life;
and not much else.

they will happily go to work and make a list of next steps
they will happily have no idea what they will implement in the long run
they will happily not care about wasted meetings; wasted discussions;
they will happily be fine with the uncertainty that is their work tasks
as long as they get paid
because they don't care.

the question is.
how to deal with them not caring.

it is COVID time i know. uncertainties abound. that is a certitude.
i'm fine with that. i'm less fine with spending my days doing kindergarten level work.
i need to move. somehow.
problems only make me dig in.
the alternative is not pretty.

yes, in the end, i also only care about myself as well. (myself includes family)
at least i admit it.

i wonder what a world would look like if everyone admitted that.


























april 3 2020

one company allows a narcissist to take over and ruin it
another lets a daycare worker run it





april 2 2020

what i call work and what millenials call work is not the same thing.

people only need the information they need to do their job.
however. if you are a millenial you think all information is relevant



april 1 2020

as april's go, it's not a great april
not yet and not later
the TSX makes gains while everyone loses