april  30

weekend is even  worse than the week

i honestly am starting to wonder if the reason i've always empathized so deeply with certain lifetsyles
is because one day i will live all of them...

i'm not writing them down
but


















april 29
10:09am

it was a sick week;
but i made it through;
charged 35 hours which got approved  in three minutes
did i work 35 hours?/ ...
and i won  the 8:30 meeting;
he was late lol;
i spoke;
i am sick;
now i know;
always  takes me days to figure it out;
ears ringing as loud as the sky;
sore throat; no sleep; back broke;
let's go to winners


TEA
i'm not a tea person
but
TEA
i'm not the only person who thought tiffanythinks was kinda manipulating her youtuber followers

april 24
739am

         needing more  friends;
            i remember feeling that at her age;
i still feel it



               







april 23
10:29am

    don't get up after 12 hours of trying to sleep to drink coffee while walking sideways nearly falling over
        and that is the same moment that in 12 hours you can't just try to wake up with a broken head and body
            by yourself
                oh no no no

i'll tell you why
no one undersstands around here;
no one cares for me;
just like the rest of the world


ears ringing as loud as a concert; throbbing head;
dizziness would knock me over if there were no walls
broken back and neck
staring into space; no focus
fun  fun  fun


another waste  of a day:

april 22

earth day
    safe and sound
        warm and windy
            pay was yesterday;

wednesday wineday

thursday beerday;
    twitter disasterday;
        russia day; ugg day;


friday beerday on sherbrooke;

lovely girl at Honey Martin;


saturday, Lasalle day























april 17
monday

this is what he considers cleaning the kitchen:
putting dishes in the dishwasher
pushing the button

this is how he takes care of the dog while i'm half dead at a hospital waiting 4 hours for an appointment for my daughter:
he scrolls through tiktok until we walk in the house and then takes the dog outside and comes back in 3 minutes because the "dog  doesn't want to walk"
after she was bugging him since 5AM to go out...

if anyone saw how i am treated and what i put up with in this household,, they would really think i'm an idiot.



 




april 16
sunday
9:42 am


we made it past april 14; a visit to the mountain and ernie; tears; alcohol.
move on
sleep; lack thereof triggers the worst emotions


This week? Pink, Laura Daigle, Kristen Cruz: https://youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI… https://youtube.com/watch?v=D2KE2a5qo0g… https://youtube.com/watch?v=LhRtAdrn0Rg







april 15
8:33am
saturday
woke at 7
tried  to stay asleep
failed

concept of feedstock and how it was impacted my brain
i see everything now as feedstock as i drive down the street;
everything, from wha'ts IN the  recycling bins to THE BINS THEMSELVES



also the  water  rinsing concept;
i did  ot used to see it to every molecule
but now i do:
rinsing can take long

if women knew how much is on their shoulders because they are women
they would be angry
but women don't know that












april 13
  8:56 am   


mailbox deleted.
move on

crazeee dream: two online jobs, had not logged into email on the 2nd one in 2 days and there were 100 emaills.
woke up feeling kinda sick after sleeping 8 hours
ugggggg fucking ugg

ran thru old emails before fully awake
we never remember much of life in the past

so the past doesn't really matter much

it's gone









april 11
  7:49 am   


can't  get my fingers out of my chewing mouth

did i sleep 8  hours
do i have to wash my face

many thoughts in all directions;
pointless; useless; not at all real as they say
the world is not your thoughts
but then what is it?/
is it just making a lunch?
getting to work?
saving he day?

why does anyone care about work
or a company















 

april 10
  8:00 am     monday   runday

no, i don't get anxious
and why would i lie here

because i know who i am
and who they are
it was always a dance;
a competition;
that many didn't enjoy;
and now i see why


how can it take 57 years to see others









 




april 7
9:16 am

storm  day 2
friday freeday no money day


also good friday

children running around day

large coffee day

all night sleep day
interesting dream day;
therapy from walmart?
dressed in a pink dress and a skirt and fancy earrigs that were on cardboard and i did not know the cardboard should be removed

and when  i showed up to (work at 9am?) everyone was in a bar and someone said "YOU iknow how to dress!"
it was a boy i will not mention here lol


wakig waking
pooptime

oh and the  neck is better
in spite of the worries
which i try to forget

and the








not one of them messaged me asking if we are  ok.
not one
fuck you all.








april 6
8:00 am

some have hair
some have dynamics 365.

here i am again
with ringing ears
it's a morning concert
with a broken nerve down the spine

itchy skin
and electricity thank god

so much i cannot say
what about you

how much can you say

definitely woke up  too early
but i was proud i slept all night

perhaps due to ice  storm
perhaps woke at 7  due to ... her
perhaps because i had to pee

just wish i was ot aching down my back.

never a perfect day

this concert is annoying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmUmzz6Snlk