april 30
weekend is even worse than the week
i honestly am starting to wonder if the reason i've always
empathized so deeply with certain lifetsyles
is because one day i will live all of them...
i'm not writing them down
but
april
29
10:09am
it was a sick week;
but i made it through;
charged 35 hours which got approved
in three minutes
did i work 35 hours?/ ...
and i won the 8:30 meeting;
he was late lol;
i spoke;
i am sick;
now i know;
always takes me days to figure it
out;
ears ringing as loud as the sky;
sore throat; no sleep; back broke;
let's go to winners
TEA
i'm not a tea person
but
TEA
i'm not the only person who thought tiffanythinks was
kinda manipulating her youtuber followers
april 24
739am
needing more friends;
i remember feeling that at her age;
i still feel it
april 23
10:29am
don't get
up after 12 hours of trying to sleep to drink coffee while
walking sideways nearly falling over
and that is the same
moment that in 12 hours you can't just try to wake up with
a broken head and body
by yourself
oh no no no
i'll tell you why
no one undersstands around here;
no one cares for me;
just like the rest of the world
ears ringing as loud as a concert; throbbing head;
dizziness would knock me over if there were no walls
broken back and neck
staring into space; no focus
fun fun fun
another waste of a day:
april 22
earth day
safe and sound
warm and windy
pay was yesterday;
![HM](honey.jpg)
wednesday wineday
thursday beerday;
twitter disasterday;
russia day; ugg
day;
friday beerday on sherbrooke;
lovely girl at Honey Martin;
saturday, Lasalle day
april 17
monday
this is what he considers cleaning the kitchen:
putting dishes in the dishwasher
pushing the button
this is how he takes care of the dog while i'm half
dead at a hospital waiting 4 hours for an appointment
for my daughter:
he scrolls through tiktok until we walk in the house
and then takes the dog outside and comes back in 3
minutes because the "dog doesn't want to walk"
after she was bugging him since 5AM to go out...
if anyone saw how i am treated and what i put up with
in this household,, they would really think i'm an
idiot.
april 16
sunday
9:42 am
we made it past april 14; a visit to the
mountain and ernie; tears; alcohol.
move on
sleep; lack thereof triggers the worst emotions
This week?
Pink, Laura Daigle, Kristen Cruz:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI…
https://youtube.com/watch?v=D2KE2a5qo0g…
https://youtube.com/watch?v=LhRtAdrn0Rg
april 15
8:33am
saturday
woke at 7
tried to stay asleep
failed
concept of feedstock and how it was
impacted my brain
i see everything now as feedstock as i drive
down the street;
everything, from wha'ts IN the recycling
bins to THE BINS THEMSELVES
also the water rinsing concept;
i did ot used to see it to every molecule
but now i do:
rinsing can take long
if women knew how much is on their shoulders
because they are women
they would be angry
but women don't know that
april 13
8:56 am
mailbox
deleted.
move on
crazeee dream: two online jobs, had not logged into
email on the 2nd one in 2 days and there were 100
emaills.
woke up feeling kinda sick after sleeping 8 hours
ugggggg fucking ugg
ran thru old emails before fully awake
we never remember much of life in the past
so the past doesn't really matter much
it's gone
april 11
7:49 am
can't get my fingers
out of my chewing mouth
did i sleep 8 hours
do i have to wash my face
many thoughts in all directions;
pointless; useless; not at all real as they say
the world is not your thoughts
but then what is it?/
is it just making a lunch?
getting to work?
saving he day?
why does anyone care about work
or a company
april 10
8:00 am monday runday
no, i don't get anxious
and why would i lie here
because i know who i am
and who they are
it was always a dance;
a competition;
that many didn't enjoy;
and now i see why
how can it take 57 years to see others
april 7
9:16 am
storm day 2
friday freeday no money day
also good friday
children running around day
large coffee day
all night sleep day
interesting dream day;
therapy from walmart?
dressed in a pink dress and a skirt and fancy earrigs
that were on cardboard and i did not know the
cardboard should be removed
and when i showed up to (work at 9am?) everyone
was in a bar and someone said "YOU iknow how to
dress!"
it was a boy i will not mention here lol
wakig waking
pooptime
oh and the neck is better
in spite of the worries
which i try to forget
and the
not one of them messaged me asking if we are ok.
not one
fuck you all.
april 6
8:00 am
some have hair
some have dynamics 365.
here i am again
with ringing ears
it's a morning concert
with a broken nerve down the spine
itchy skin
and electricity thank god
so much i cannot say
what about you
how much can you say
definitely woke up too early
but i was proud i slept all night
perhaps due to ice storm
perhaps woke at 7 due to ... her
perhaps because i had to pee
just wish i was ot aching down my back.
never a perfect day
this concert is annoying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmUmzz6Snlk