2020 has come
click here until i have time to download the index i haven't changed since my last laptop died.

december 30, 2019

back to work (for myself)

me: "we went to the new restaurant in the Mount Stephen club last night"
her" "I thought it was closed?!?"
me: "It did close but now it's a hotel and a fancy restaurant, they have the most delicious British Foo-"
her (interupting, mid-sentance, changing topic, no intention to listen to the rest of my story, because her story is forefront in her brain, as mine used to be, which she does at least 80%): "I read an article in the paper yesterday which listed the top ten restaurants in town and I had never heard of ONE of them!"
end conversation

i'mma shrink the font now.
hope no one hears this.
cause that was a conversation with who?
my mother.


december 28, 2019

i used to note everyone's birthday here, from Eleanor to Christine Habryl,
not really to wish them happy birthday, but because that's how my brain works
my brain doesn't work like that anymore

this typology thing has really messed me up.

today's topic is inferior functions
Fi grip as they call it: i don't think i'm ever like Meryl Streep in that movie
or when i don't get my way, i am a baby, well, um yes, that used to happen.
so let's think. is my entire frustration due to my Fi. my anger. my control. my everything?

2020 is around the corner: well in fact it's on Wednesday. Now that's nuts.
should i spend 250 bucks on dinner tonight or not

december 27, 2019

my favourite christmas gift in a long time
consists of a box of peppers from around the world
which i have to google and know everything about
because i just don't do less than that.
and the knowledge is the gift.

1. Green Alder Pepper, or Dune Pepper, is the catkin (or flower cluster) of a variety of Green Alder. It isn’t, botanically speaking, a true pepper. While it is very similar to long pepper in appearance, its taste is quite distinct.

Green Alder Pepper’s aroma is rich and complex, with a strong floral side that verges on musky. It also presents a resinous side reminiscent of pine, invoking its native evergreen forest. It’s great for slow-cooked dishes, pickles of all kind, or for a homemade chutney. It pairs nicely with citrus as well. Of course its flavor is excellent with wild game, be it boiled or braised. Green Alder Pepper has a prickly, peppery taste, and hint of bitterness that can remind regular black pepper, so it can be used in a similar fashion. However, Dune Pepper is resinous, so it is not recommended to use it in a pepper grinder (it may jam the gears).

Our Green Alder Pepper is grown in Québec’s boreal forests, just north of Lac St-Jean, in semi-wild patches designed to maximize flavor after the harvest. It is gathered between October and December, just before the snow and sun of winter, ensuring it’s harvested at its peak.

This spice is part of our foraged boreal spice collection (épices boréales).

Green Sichuan pepper has a more robust and earthy flavor than its better-known red cousin. Its lemony aroma makes it ideal for seasoning fish, pork and poultry.

Lesser-known than its red cousin, the Sichuan green pepper has a flavor of its own. It is called upon in seafood and fish stir-fries. Prized in traditional Chinese cuisine for its floral, citrus and peppery fragrance as well as for its mouth-numbing quality, which is why it is often paired with chiles in Sichuanese cooking. Toast Sichuan green pepper lightly with some salt and grind to create a delicious dip for fried meats and crisp fried squid and shrimps. It also pairs well with ginger and star anise. Green Sichuan pepper is always a fine addition to any peppercorn blend.

1.a A
truly unique wild cubeb sourced from Madagascar. Its growing notoriety by Western chefs testifies to the incredibly aromatic profile of this pepper.

This ancient peppercorn is a “true pepper.” Appreciated since antiquity for its mysterious aroma with faint hints of incense and camphor. Cubeb goes well with red wine sauces, wild game and chocolate.

Also known as Tailed pepper, Javanese pepper or kemukus. Popular in Europe during the Middle Ages, cubeb has been regaining popularity in Western cuisine. Woody scents of camphor blend seamlessly with other peppers into an aroma suitable for red meats and game. Cubeb gives an exotic dynamic to dark chocolate desserts and truffles. An indispensible ingredient in the Moroccan blend, Ras-el-Hanout and our ever popular, Eight Pepper Blend.

3.c Indonesian Long Pepper.
A small, very rare pepper, lightly hot, with and inscrutable aroma!  

     smaller than common, cultivated long pepper, and has more irregularly shaped berries. It emits a fresh aroma marked by notes of fresh earth and black tea. Its flavor is a little less peppery than regular black pepper with a one-of-a-kind prickly sensation reminiscent of Sichuan peppercorn.

In India, long pepper is used mostly in Ayurvedic medicine, although it is also valued for its culinary properties. 

Its exotic aroma is a great way to kick up all sorts of dishes; Wild Long Pepper can also be combined with other peppers and spices to create a unique spice blend.

i'm getting fairly close to a nasty place.

it's not project management.
everything is changing constantly.
it's operations.

that's why they want to see each other.

transformation projects seem to use this methodology - people say its a cross between waterfall and agile but in fact
its neither

i have been managing projects since 1999.
just leave me be.
stop hawking me.
even your own people are PM level one...

december 17 2019

sometimes i think what it takes to be good in 2019 is to be naive: 

my anxiety spikes if i don't do useful

maybe that's the main problem with life today

it's hard to find useful.
it's hard to be useful.

i dedicate today to my dear friend Guillermo, whose anxiety took over his life,
because he was determined to be useful.

in 2019, one shouldn't have to make friends with people for them to do you favours ast work
but since we live in an "anything goes" (nothing actually goes) culture, that is the case.

no one has any personality - the modern day work environment is more superficial than ever.
humanity is allowed but not if it's genuine.

december 15 2019

if you can be yourself in real life, lucky you.
then facebook does not have great potential for you.
the online world might appear flat for you.
just a poor electronic version of the real world.

then you may think facebook is just a boring venue for cat pics.
then you really don't understand twitter.


for those of us who cannot be our real selves in this sensor-driven world,
and for whom being our true selves is paramount;
the online world is a space we can speak our truth.
some of us must hide behind anonymity to do so:
it's not always about being cruel.

december 13 2019

it really is, all in the perception

i have never asked you for anything
not to help me paint.
not to help me move.
not to babysit. (Ok once).

it really is, all in the perception.

december 12 2019

dear world
there is a happy medium when it comes to work
work is not you.
you are not work.
you are paid to execute tasks


there is no happy medium when it comes to doing work right

there should be no loose ends
no tolerating of poor quality
you are not working for them
you are working for you

i literally cannot move on if a project is not complete


i couldn't imagine being obsessed with regular things

like cupcakes

december 8 2019

shall i leave the mind meandering to the younger people


at what point should i shut up

i've run a million experiments
to no success - - - yet i go on

for someone to get it

i have a million questions before 10am
should i tell quinn i went to his concert, is that bragging
should i tell fb about esther perele or other things i can never say
should i message Kally, or will i bother her more - are we now friends, or not

why is a shitty table and chairs 649 dollars and who can afford that, if i cannot.


why is this song stuck in my head like a knife



december 5 2019

more winterwonderlanding

Image may contain: tree, snow, sky, plant, outdoor
              and nature

december 3, 2019

this video hits me right in the woman:
this place that women are allowed to be in 2019:
strong and fearless:
still requires vulnerability
and also makes me wonder
what's left for men.


december 2
i cannot lie

living in the moment
my videos help
i catch myself
monday norning when the eyes open
just stay here
cause here is always fine