december
9, 9:15am
32 years.
what has happened in 32 years.
should i vlog, is my question, what will
my new career look like.
i have so much to say.
what would those fourteen women be doing
today?
what would they have accomplished?
how many children would they have?
how much pain?
how much joy?
and does it cancel itself out in the
end.....
Jillian Horton will always live inside
me.
https://music.apple.com/ca/artist/jillian-horton/41366676
december
7, 3:58 PM
things zoomed on by.
hopefully omicron will as well.
burning hot in the afternoon and rushing
to get this thought out.
ringing ears. tylenol.
dear Matt H,
lucky for me i have the cbc.
just now, when i dragged my big
dog into the car with a headache from the cold and
barking humping dogs at girouard
flipped on the radio and i wasn't
sure what channel i was on, even though i always
listen to 88.5
i left it where it was, because in
less than 2 seconds, my heart was back in los
angeles in 1998.
in another two seconds i was
seeing the face of Jillian horton
and for the next two minutes as i
wished i could let my dad hear this music and
wish ernie could hear any music,
i felt my entire life slowly pass
through my heart as i forced myself to continue
listening.
perhaps ernie wouldn't mind not
hearing it, perhaps he really did not feel music
in his body the way i do.
i need to convince myself this is
true, because so much music causes me physical
pain via the emotional depth of remembering
the past.
and this pain, is a gift.
<in between dec. 1 and dec. 7>
alot transpired.
i sold ernie's car
i don't want to talk about that
it was very painful
but
as usual
i just keep telling myself
maybe not really as painful for her as
she makes it seem
because i can't imagine anyone feeling
this pain.
dec.1
nothing happened
