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  • february2011mEp

    my    E l e c t r o n i c    pen ... the 2011 edition ... mid winter



    february








    march



    f e b     2 3

    i have come all the way here.
    a defiant teenager; a reluctant young adult; a determined young woman; a motivated thirty-somthing, a mother, middle age, and now this.
    i don't fight it, anyone, anything. i don't even think about much anymore - my energy is open for hers.
    you could say i'm sliding through it.
    watching youth is fascinating and fun; praising reluctant young adults makes me feel proud; determined young woman give hope; mothers joy, and everyone else
    just seems like another kid walking down the hallway.












    f e b     1 7

    more awake in the morning; i wanted to write about unconditional love;
    the problem is, apparently it's rare.














    f e b     1 6

    what's a meeting culture and what does it stem from?

    perhaps in a financial world, one must never show up unannounced for fear of numbers reprisals?
    oddly, this is not a financial company
    oddly, it is driven like one.
    i'm not here to  bash it, but my way of working is less CYA and much more efficient.
    that's just the way one feels when one is PMSing.

    in the middle of music - and my life - music speaks to me like never before
    while tooth brushing yesterday, i uncovered the poignant message that Yentl brings me still,
    thirty-ish years later...

    and that would be that here is a woman, longing for a logical world, yet using an artistic method to pursue it.

    that would be all i would convert this place to: ultimately, to remain logical and driven by physics (since we cannot change that)
    yet, driven with primarily creative forces, allowing our daily lives to be imbued with colours, whimsy, music, and chance.
    wake up in the morning, drink some stiff espresso, write some creative thoughts, listen to inspiring music, then hop in a leather-bound passat turbo
    and wisk yourself off to your tacky, uninspiring, meeting-driven world where you are an overpaid ignored robot.

    ok, i'd change some bits about the last part.







    a story for feb 17




    i'm probably hanging around with people online who are way too young for me.






































    FEB 15

    i'm warmed up now
    morning thoughts haven't changed

    so what's my original thought for today

    http://www.grammy.com/videos/53rd-annual-grammy-awards-album-of-the-year

    maybe i don't have one.

    i spend most of my time thinking about people i don't understand.
    is that useful?












    FEB 13

    we're doin' ok.
    sunday sunday
    every day.
    every day.





    and reminicsing...

    November 5                               analyze and debate mode

    people with stormy opinions like myself spend more time in 'analyze and debate' mode. so many people are satisfied with 'simple pleasures' mode, living through life - perhaps happy to make it through at all - instead of dissecting the world around us; why is US foreign policy US foreign policy? what is US foreign policy anyways and how does it affect the world? and why are there so many things about babies that the medical community is divided on? is it really possible to have a 'culture' of letting people drive willy nilly and kill each other on the roads? i've been to milan, driving on sidewalks is part of their culture, but i suppose it hasn't killed many people... does the American Dream exist? i'll argue that it does, but  that doesn't mean i want it. it's about disposable income, that's all. often that's enough, especially to the people who spend alot of time in 'simple pleasures' mode. i envy them at 10PM when my brain is on overdrive and toots is going to wake up hungry at 12.
     

     


    FEB 12

    what makes what someone else writes attractive?

    they're all parcelled, captured; timeless.
    products of a mind, sculpted really, and digested for someone else, in another state of mind, and at another place in time.
    those are the best blogs.

    i guess i'm trying to capture a moment in time;
    i mean, in the mEp, my fleeting thoughts;
    the ones you have during a day
    the ones that you cannot determine
    the ones that fingers can grasp
    and brains can wrap themselves around

    it's a whiny heater
    reverbarating over the keyboard clicks
    but the pepites of brown sugar in my coffee come from the very south of france
    while egyptians protest for a loaf of bread, locally baked.

    i came here first today, like in the old days,
    do not pass email, do not pass fb,
    do not go to jail.

    and once again i ask:
    how long is a thought?
    and why is a page never long enough to capture it.

    i hear pitter-patter, much too early, much too early.
    it's saturday.
    poots is up early.


    dreamt i drank a capuccino.
    odd.
















    FEB 11

    time
    in Egypt;
    friday morning
    in Montreal.

    water dreams

     








    FEB 10

    who knew februuary would be so short;
    who knew the paper would get dull;
    who knew justin beiber would post way too much crap on facebook;



    FEB 9

    for surely we can't be exactly who we want to be;
    birth settled that long ago.

    catching up on catching up

    i'll try to sit long enough

    what are the motions, second bubbas and bad friends (not mine)
    tax bills that don't scare me
    it's winter rocking us in boots
    it's never enough nabob
    dentists and ordinary things
    detachments and reattachments
    friends in far places couch and slouch i'm guessing
    i'm quoting myself
    and loving it


    it's large piles of snow, late for school
    it's brownies and anticipation
    what's the difference between south and north, only the heat
    it's faces on facebook;
    it's an extra two inches
    it's little poots resisting temptations
    and finally getting up on time.

























    FEB 8

    where do you draw the line between who you are, and who you want to be?
















    FEB 5 8:31 am

    OH suzanne! i need to write this down. headache and all.

    drilling caffeine through a dizzy brain
    pieces of thoughts of who are we
    and who we are in that puzzle of friends:
    we paint our own tapestry of befriending
    always on the outside looking in
    (jewel says and so do i)
    city people do that, i am city people
    observant, in my holey brain; perfect but for my perfections;
    dancing with myself; i choose to lose;
    baring my naked self to a complete stranger;
    is comforting to me in a non judgemental way
    if only the world took lessons from her
    (is there an opposite of ilk?)
    we could all drink each other
    "and still be on our feet."
    "and still be on our feet."




    no choice but for austrailian wine
    the bar might be higher now.
































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