• Stephen Curry Shoes
  • curry one
  • kd shoes
  • KD 8
  • air jordan 11
  • kyrie 1
  • Curry 1
  • supra shoes
  • gucci shoes
  • supra shoes
  • KD Shoes
  • Stephen Curry Jerseys
  • lebron shoes
  • Nike Huarache
  • Asics Shoes
  • kd shoes
  • Curry 1
  • kevin durant shoes
  • kyrie 1 shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Shoes
  • kyrie irving shoes
  • kyrie shoes
  • kobe 10
  • irving shoes
  • canada goose jackets
  • kobe 10 shoes
  • Kanye West Shoes
  • kobe shoes
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • curry one
  • curry one
  • Curry One
  • Curry Shoes
  • Baseball Bats
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • Asics Gel Kayano
  • Kanye Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Shoes
  • GZ Shoes
  • Curry One
  • Curry Shoes
  • supra footwear
  • Nike Air Huarache
  • Nike Huarache
  • Kobe Shoes
  • Lebron 13
  • Harden Shoes
  • Curry 1
  • Curry One
  • Kyrie Irving Shoes
  • Kobe Shoes
  • Kobe Bryant Shoes
  • kyrie 1
  • Under Armour Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Design
  • Curry 2
  • Curry 2
  • Curry 2
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Sneakers
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Curry Basketball Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Harden Shoes Sale
  • Yeezy Shoes
  • Harden 1
  • Gucci Shoes Men
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Nike Roshe Run
  • Curry Shoes MVP
  • Under Armour Shoes
  • Asics Shoes
  • Louis Vuitton Handbags
  • Roshe Run Shoes
  • Curry 2
  • curry one
  • Gel Kayano
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Lebron James Shoes
  • Lebron Shoes
  • Salomon Shoes
  • James Harden Shoes
  • Roshe Run
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Roshe Run
  • Curry Shoes
  • Air Huarache
  • Asics Gel
  • West Shoes
  • curry one
  • Nike Roshe Run
  • KD Shoes
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Roshe Run Women
  • supra skytop shoes
  • Nike Kevin Durant Shoes
  • Roshe Run Shoes
  • Roshe Run cheap
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Design
  • Curry Shoes
  • Adidas Air Yeezy
  • Curry Jerseys
  • Curry Shoes
  • Cheap Gucci Shoes
  • Curry Shoes 2015
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Harden 1 Shoes
  • James Harden Shoes
  • James Harden Shoes For Sale
  • Cheap Baseball Bats
  • Harden Shoes
  • Nike Roshe Run Shoes
  • Kanye West Shoes
  • Asics Kayano
  • Kevin Durant Shoes
  • LV Handbags
  • Asics Gel Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Shoes
  • Curry 2016
  • Roshe Run Shoes
  • Cheap Yeezy Shoes
  • Curry Shoes MVP
  • Discount Roshe Run
  • Air Yeezy Shoes
  • Cheap Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Curry Shoes
  • Cheap Curry Shoes
  • UA Curry Shoes
  • Curry Shoes for Boys
  • Cheap Huarache Run Shoes
  • Cheap Curry Shoes
  • Nike Shoes
  • Stephen Curry Jersey
  • James Harden 1
  • Baseball Bats For Sale
  • Under Armour
  • Roshe Run Online
  • Under Armour Curry Shoes
  • Gucci Shoes Women
  • skytop shoes
  • salomon shoes
  • Stephen Curry Shoes 2015
  • Air Huarache
  • Louis Vuitton Bags
  • Cheap Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Salomon Trail Running Shoes
  • kobe x
  • Kobe 10
  • Nike Harden Shoes
  • Asics Running Shoes
  • Yeezy Shoes Sale
  • Salomon Running Shoes
  • Baseball Bats Outlet
  • Yeezy Shoes
  • LV Outlet
  • Cheap Harden 1
  • lebron james shoes
  • Huarache Run Shoes
  • Curry Basketball Shoes
  • Curry Jersey
  • Nike Huarache Shoes
  • KD 8
  • lebron shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kobe shoes
  • kevin durant shoes
  • Cheap Curry Shoes
  • Giuseppe Zanotti Sale
  • Asics Gel Lyte
  • Trail Running Shoes
  • West Shoes
  • Baseball Bats Store
  • Huarache Shoes
  • Nike KD 8
  • Curry One Mvp
  • Running Shoes
  • Gucci Outlet
  • Stephen Curry 1
  • Curry 1
  • james shoes
  • nike lebron james shoes
  • Nike Harden Shoes
  • Cheap Curry Jersey
  • Asics Shoes
  • Air Yeezy Shoes Sale
  • Curry Shoes Outlet
  • Yeezy Shoes Sale
  • Curry Shoes
  • Air Huarache Shoes
  • Discount LV Bags
  • Cheap Nike Huarache
  • KD 8
  • Baseball Bat
  • kobe 10
  • kd 7 shoes
  • Louis Vuitton Outlet
  • kd 7
  • kd shoes
  • cheap Roshe Run
  • Asics Gel Nimbus
  • Roshe Run Sale
  • Nike Kobe Shoes
  • Roshe Run Women
  • Gucci Outlet
  • Under Armour Basketball Shoes
  • Gucci Shoes Sale
  • Harden Shoes
  • Air Yeezy Shoes
  • Under Armour Store
  • Baseball Bats Sale
  • Air Yeezy
  • Roshe Run Men
  • Air Yeezy Shoes
  • Asics Shoes Women
  • Asics Gel Kayano
  • Discount KD 8
  • Huarache Shoes
  • Curry Jersey Sale
  • jordan 11
  • jordan retro 11
  • Curry basketball Shoes
  • retro 11
  • Curry 2 Shoes
  • nike jordan 11
  • Nike Air Yeezy Shoes
  • nike air jordan
  • Asics Gel Sale
  • Stephen Curry Jersey sale
  • jordan retro
  • air jordans
  • jordan 11 low
  • Curry Shoes
  • air jordan shoes
  • Discount Air Yeezy Shoes
  • curry 1
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • UA Curry Shoes
  • Under Armour curry one
  • James Harden Shoes
  • Stephen Shoes
  • New Curry Shoes
  • Steph Curry 1
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • Asics Shoes Sale
  • Nike Kevin Shoes
  • James Harden Shoes 2015
  • Harden Shoes 2015
  • Nike Roshe Run
  • Asics Shoes Men
  • Roshe Run
  • kobe 10 shoes
  • Stephen Curry Shoes
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • Air Huarache Run
  • kevin durant shoes
  • Yeezy Shoes
  • Curry One
  • kd shoes
  • kobe basketball Shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kobe shoes 2015
  • Nike Harden Shoes
  • Nike James Harden Shoes
  • Harden Shoes For sale
  • kevin shoes
  • Harden Shoes Sale
  • durant shoes
  • Curry Shoes
  • Kevin Durant Shoes
  • kobe x shoes
  • nike kyrie 1
  • Curry Low Shoes
  • nike free shoes
  • nike free run
  • kd shoes 2015
  • kyrie shoes
  • kyrie irving shoes
  • kobe 10 shoes
  • lebron james jerseys
  • lebron jerseys
  • kobe 10
  • kyrie 1 shoes
  • Huarache Run Women
  • kyrie 1
  • nike free 5.0
  • nike free 5
  • kobe shoes
  • nike Yeezy Shoes
  • KD Shoes
  • kd 8
  • kobe jersey
  • Cheap kobe jersey
  • adidas rose shoes
  • derrick rose shoes
  • lebron james shoes
  • russell westbrook shoes
  • westbrook shoes
  • Huarache Run Men
  • russell shoes
  • Air Huarache Sale
  • jordan westbrook shoes
  • lebron james jersey
  • kyrie irving shoes
  • nike kyrie 1
  • Curry Shoes Sale
  • Nike Huarache Sale
  • cheap kyrie 1
  • michael jordan jerseys
  • jordan jerseys
  • michael jerseys
  • kevin durant jersey
  • kd jersey
  • kevin jersey
  • kobe bryant jerseys
  • kobe bryant jersey
  • james jerseys
  • cheap lebron jerseys
  • d rose shoes
  • rose shoes
  • lebron james jerseys
  • lebron jersey
  • james jersey
  • d rose shoes
  • rose shoes
  • adidas rose shoes
  • lebron james shoes
  • michael jordan jersey
  • nike shoes
  • lebron james shoes
  • kd shoes
  • kd shoes
  • Curry 1
  • Curry 1 Shoes
  • Stephen Curry 1
  • kd 7 shoes
  • kd 7
  • lebron shoes
  • cheap lebron james shoes
  • nike lebron shoes
  • lebron shoes
  • kyrie irving shoes
  • kyrie shoes
  • kyrie 1 shoes
  • irving shoes
  • lebron 12
  • lebron 12 shoes
  • lebron shoes
  • air max shoes
  • nike air max shoes
  • nike air max
  • durant jersey
  • kevin durant shoes
  • kd vii
  • kd 7
  • kobe bryant jersey
  • kobe bryant jerseys
  • kobe jerseys
  • UA Curry Low Shoes
  • bryant jerseys
  • adidas porsche shoes
  • adidas porsche design shoes
  • lebron james shoes
  • kobe shoes 2015
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes 2015
  • nike air shoes
  • nike air max shoes
  • cheap air max shoes
  • air max shoes
  • kd vii shoes
  • nba jerseys
  • herve leger
  • cheap herve leger
  • kd shoes
  • kevin durant shoes
  • cheap kd shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • bryant shoes
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe shoes nba
  • cheap kobe shoes
  • kd shoes
  • kevin durant shoes
  • kevin durant shoes
  • kd 7 shoes
  • kevin durant shoes mvp
  • Griffin Shoes
  • Cheap Jordan Griffin Shoes
  • Jordan Griffin Shoes
  • Hyperdunk Shoes
  • porsche design shoes
  • adidas porsche design
  • adidas shoes
  • kevin bryant shoes
  • kd shoes store
  • kd 7
  • nba jerseys store
  • herve leger dresses
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kd shoes
  • kd sneaker
  • jeremy scott adidas
  • jeremy scott wings
  • jeremy scott shoes
  • kobe shoes 2015
  • js wings
  • lebron shoes
  • louis vuitton sale
  • louis vuitton handbags
  • louis vuitton bags
  • louis vuitton
  • lv handbags
  • lv bags
  • kobe shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes
  • kobe bryant shoes 2014
  • Blake Griffin Shoes
  • Jeremy Scott Wings 3.0
  • adidas wings 3.0
  • js wings 3.0
  • Kevin Durant Shoes
  • Los Angeles Clippers Jerseys
  • Toronto Raptors Jerseys
  • kd 6
  • kd 7
  • kobe 9
  • Kyrie 1
  • Nike Kyrie 1
  • Kyrie 1 Shoes
  • Kyrie Irving 1
  • KD 7 Women
  • Lebron 12
  • Lebron 10
  • Lebron 11
  • Louis Vuitton SUNGLASSES
  • Louis Vuitton SCARVES
  • Louis Vuitton HATS
  • Louis Vuitton MEN
  • Louis Vuitton WOMEN
  • Gucci Men Fashion Casual Shoes
  • Gucci Men Fashion Dress Shoes
  • Gucci Men High Top Shoes
  • Gucci Men Low Top Shoes
  • Gucci Men Sneakers
  • Gucci Women Boots
  • Gucci Women High Heels Shoes
  • Gucci Women High Top Shoes
  • Gucci Women Low Top Shoes
  • Gucci Women Pumps Shoes
  • Gucci Women Sandals
  • Gucci Women Slipper Shoes
  • Gucci Bags
  • Gucci Handbags
  • Gucci Clothing
  • Gucci Belts
  • Gucci Hats
  • Gucci Jewelry
  • Gucci Sunglasses
  • Gucci Wallets
  • Gucci Mens Hoodies
  • Gucci Mens Jacket
  • Gucci Mens Jeans
  • Gucci Mens Long T-Shirts
  • Gucci Mens Outwear
  • Gucci Mens Short T-Shirts
  • Gucci Mens Suit
  • Gucci Mens Sweater
  • Gucci Mens Waistcoat
  • Gucci Scarves
  • Gucci Ties
  • Gucci Womens Dress
  • Gucci Womens Hoodies
  • Gucci Womens Short Jeans
  • Gucci Womens Suit
  • Gucci Womens T-Shirts
  • Adult Baseball Bats
  • Fastpitch Softball Bats
  • Junior Big Barrel Baseball Bats
  • Senior Youth Baseball Bats
  • Slowpitch Softball Bats
  • Wood Baseball Bats
  • Youth Baseball Bats
  • Youth Big Barrel Baseball Bats
  • Yeezy 2
  • Yeezy 3
  • Yeezy 3 Shoes
  • Yeezy 350 Boost low
  • Yeezy Pure Boost
  • Adidas Kanye West Yeezy 3
  • Adidas Kanye West Yeezy 3 750 Boost
  • Adidas Kanye West Yeezy 3 750 Boost B35309
  • Adidas Kanye West x Yeezy 3 750 Boost
  • my ELECTRONIC pen for February 2015

    the mEp.
    february 2015


    february 28th 2015
    that was dumb

    dragging myself through this hangover
    was it a fitting sendoff
    for a tall man

    and on facebook
    i see a large backyard and a large pool flanked by large houses.
    and i actually see resources, work, and responsibility
    which used to be things only the weirdos saw.

     february 27th 2015
    You Are Gone

    l used to keep everything tightly wrapped up
    in a ball
    in my hand
    opening it is very hard
    because you don't want to know
    what i have to say
    to tell you what a friend does or doesn't do
    and what's the point
    i can't change you
    so my wise words
    so forlorn
    are still for you
    just tattered and torn
    i reach out the crumpled ball
    i flip my hand
    i open it
    but you're gone
    aren't you.

    Today, on every second Friday, I'm alone here with the ticking fish.
    i dreamt of facebook, no surprise, and I slept, through the night,
    until Friday came.
    The word people have overnight llama tweets;
    The Opera people delighted us all, who delight in laughter, and folly,
    and anyone painting white sets with holes and lights in them.
    with ringing ears, i sip, i rearrange, i alt-tab to the other world,
    'red tights' is written in my hand in blue, as it fades it's the same colour as my veins,
    and i wonder about Mary Anne

    february 26th 2015

    let me wake to morning light, you by my side, while the coffee slowly percolates into my brain
    as i recalls dreams even my dream world could not comprehend, with a ticklish heart, smooth nerves,
    and then lyrics from a love song written in 1972. and after i have penned these words, everything seems okay,
    from the hell-bent evening consoling parents while we dragged their children into small apartments laden with the cheap beer cans of a romantic phD student, the overheard discussions of tweens soon teens, french fries and cold montreal alleys, to a soon explanation of purses and dresses.

    february 25th 2015


    it dawned on me today, that people who haven't been married thrice may think we are 'trying' to get it right each time and failing.
    when you went to the Opera three times, did you go the second time because you failed the first?

    february 24th 2015

    i'm not sure i'd like the kinds of surprises he describes.
    rushing to sit still in a place i can't even write here,
    a night of perfectly uneven sleep
    left me humming james taylor tunes,
    thinking about rivers flowing down the street,
    singing james taylor tunes,
    and really, really angry.
    oh sleep whereforart thou and how can thy be ruined in the ring of a phone call from Switzerland.
    do i want to drag you on my back in this cold,
    i think not.
    sometimes there is a disconnect between beauty, surprises, and sex.
    if only in my mind.

    trembling, i'll run out the door to freeze to be silent and still.
    there's no other choice for today
    with bad sleep on my side.

    and i'm slowly remembering - as i came out of the shower - there were three times to my life -
    the young and the beautiful, the middle and the child-rearing, and the end which finally understands everything put together;
    like a final resting place, your arms, my evolving maturity, and the understanding of all that came before.
    lucky thee who find one person to match all three of these: lucky, invincible, thee.

    am i supposed to have a comment section?

    february 23rd 2015


    why is it so beautiful when a woman laughs,
    her joy lighting up a room;
    is it so rare, like a Gem,
    a Godsend,
    that she should delight
    in something

    does it help you deal with the gravity of life,
    or yourself,
    or a darkness i know not of.
    does it mean she laughs with you,
    or at you,
    and which is it you prefer,
    sailing over the darkness of your world,
    or pretending you are folly,
    or still a child

    does it make her intelligent, that she understands wit,
    or give you hope that some exists,
    is it the relief from ownership,
    the glint of sunshine,
    or a momentary reprieve from the inability to make her happy.

    or just a chance to get laid (his words not mine)


    sunday, february 22nd 

    i used to use this space to call out old friend's birthdays, but since they would never do such a thing for me, i'll stop now. 

    lydia chiussi says i was charming in high school.
    charming is not ever, a word anyone has ever used to describe me.
    how loverly is that.

    patterns of war. you have patterns of war, i used to have patterns of love,
    but i am making new patterns now.

    saturday, february 21st 

    in this bleak midwinter, there is finally food in that big black fridge.
    survived 5 days with little/no alcohol, the Ricard's Red didn't do me any harm.
    there's not a scrap of laundry to be found, barely a sock, if truth is told,
    dusty bunnies cling to the cactus as it waves in the radiating heat radiating from the radiator.

    i sit in my corner sipping a brew of new nabob, whose profit returns to vancouver, i hope,
    the fish navigate a tank crowded of plants,
    the silence around me sublime, the cheapest coffee pot in the Western Hemisphere ticks,
    and the kleenex, too far to reach, past the plates, empty now of grilled wild salmon,
    fried yukon golds, and lightly steamed baby spinach, beckons.
    i have never forgotten we eat like kings. and often wonder how humanity lived without kleenex for so long.

    so the daughter survived her first dance at another school, strapless dress and all, i answered her questions about the normalcy of being gay on the way, well i tried, i offered her earrings she refused, advice i hope she appreciated, and she 'schmured' up her beautiful face when she mentioned that she would not see me today.

    i like having nothing to do.
    i like having time for myself.
    i like the man with the onion.
    and marlene daley is always happy to see me.

    february 20th 2015
    unloved, take two.

    a million things i never understood; a million lists i can now say "oh, that's what they meant"
    and of all of them, the greatest is not love, meaning, not whom to marry or who married whom for when and for how long,
    but the greatest of all is for those who never married, at all, and to understand the strength to say 'it's not good enough'
    or moreover, the strength to say 'i'm good enough'.

    can someone profess love, who won't pick you up at the metro? 

    in the end, i'm just re-arranging words

    february 19th 2015

    i am weaker than i have ever been.
    with him, i had control, nothing was left to chance, there were no variables,
    without him, there are variables, there is darkness, there is real darkness, anxiety,
    and one must fight for one's life.
    just like the rest of them.
    if i cannot ignore the evil, then the beauty is also not real.
    i did not want to unlearn this.
    i wish i never had.

    maybe i was weak all along?

    facing 6 more months without wine.

    february 18th 2015

    there was this one particular night when the Swiss man was having a bad evening.
    he got up, closed his laptop and declared at once matter-of-factly and with a resigned sigh,
    "Downtrodden, Stinky, and Frustrated. My students are morons!"
    and as that negative pre-bedtime declaration hit my years and rattled through my getting-ready-for-bed mindset,
    i wondered very consciously if that was what i would really want my husband to say when we comes to bed -
    which led me to wonder, what exactly would i want my husband to say as he prepares for bed -
    at which point i couldn't think of anything other than what his colleagues might say to their wives
    and i could only imagine the most boring of things, did you turn the lights out, would you like water,
    are the kids in bed, or perhaps some minor grumblings over the events of the day or evening.
    and instanly, i broke into soft laughter; and i laughed, and i laughed, and i laughed, there in the dark,
    as he fumbled down the hallway. and i cannot explain why this made me laugh, was it that i couldn't think of anything better for him to say,
    was it the juxtaposition of his desires to his desires; the contrast of his image to his image; or merely the insanity of how much he actually cares.
    in any case, this comment, so completely unexpected, so totally honest and laden with emotion and expression, so blatantly forthright,
    ended up being exactly what i would want my husband to say to me that night.

    and i launched into a line for the end of my speech, which stated that starting a relationship at the beginning of menopause is not recommended.
    and i smiled my way all the way into his stinky, frustrated, and downtrodden arms.

    february 17th 2015
    the questions

    eventually, there's an answer for the question; it's a brief answer; it comes on the corner of westhill and somerled;
    and the answer was easier than expected; without judgement; or prejudice; sometimes, there are just facts;
    which are good enough for a bright twelve and a half year old;
    and the answer explains all that needs to be known; which is that you cannot change anything.
    it actually has nothing to do at all with alcohol, your mother, choices, or whether or not your wife puts her shit away.
    it's a quantum world when you're up very very close; but for the rest of us, it's pretty darn molecular.
    matter is not created nor destroyed. all the people on facebook will keep posting cat videos
    and you will keep on ranting about your freedom not to do so.


         and poots begins her Odyssey of laying in bed at night, sweating while the very hormones that made her,
    try to rearrange themselves for the very last time.


       here's how i see it. you can sit around waiting for the world to change. or, you can just sit around.

    oh sweet lorraine; my memories are all wiped out,

    february 15th 2015
    lucky you, here is everything. 

            i will give you everything or nothing.

    table door

    a wiggly hand brings this tepid java to my lips;
    i think it's sunday;
    pencil sharpeners aid and abet cement tables;
    your projects are a sign of life for me,
    i know this man, and his empty tube of silicon,
    i know this man, his motives, his misgivings, and his mission.
    i know him and i love him.
    and she did not.

    i just adore this photo, taken by Brian Snyder, and Stolen by CBS
    could have been 1892 but it's 2015.

    february 14th 2015
    7:49am. valentine's day.

    am i too kind? andrea dailey showed up twice at my door.
    at that particular moment she needed someone to talk to.
    i listened to her talk; she said the same things; twice; for several hours; she needed me. i was there.
    yet so few others have come to me.

    i've taken to quoting the bible, no matter what they say.
    i'm gonna make a promise. and i'm gonna try and keep it this time.
    so in between joan of arc; abruptly ended phone calls; and smart men hunting me down;
    i decide i AM kind. i AM sensitive. and i DO care.
    gonna make a promise.
    gonna keep it.


    february 13th 2015
    midday ranting

    they tell me it's not about me, but that it's about them. which must be true, since it's all about me too.

    i prefer speaking of myself in the third person, as poots would say,
    stepping outside of myself is important.
    but sincerity is important. yet i was not completely sincere, and as soon as i was, she walked away.
    no one wants sincere, even if they think they do. i scared her, but which part of it.

    it's a lazy winter, this long, frigid, montreal winter, and very few of our techniques are working;
    we feel alone, lonely, and detached, he once in a while surfaces, speaking in the strongest sofly man tones,
    and thanks me for making dinner. i must love him, he says, and i am forced to contemplate both the many days i didn't have the energy to make dinner and the dinners i made purely because i was hungry.

    it's a winter with a dead end, this cold, bright, and cold, winter. it circles back to us,
    forcing us into rumpled sheets, contemplating our lazy, carnivorous ways,
    and staring at random piles of mismatched socks. rich, lazy, and poor.
    the oxygenated blood pools in various muscles.

    frozen, frozen, the crisp and crackling world of painful cheeks and thighs cringe only as the engine of the car turns slowly and starts,
    and it seems a miracle, that something would rotate willingly in such a stiff and painful cold, and that isoctane and butane would actually flow willingly from metal cylinders past volume counters which then accept my credit card in exchange.

    every ounce of me washed the counter.
    every ounce of me loaded the dishwasher.
    every ounce of me sits here contemplating the blood pooling in my veins.

    the world is awash in fifty shades of commercialism, buying books and watching movies built with Lego dolls,
    and it's so funny, so completely unlike me, to watch from the sidelines.
    i've never known more about something than what is presented;
    i've never been content with what i have;
    i've never understood that i was the lucky one
    and i've never even really wanted to be the lucky one.
    how bizarre.
    how incredibly bizarre is that.

    february 12th 2015

    it's a vice grip on this head today / rolling brain / more watery tepid coffee / shaking in boots / more thoughts from three am to five am than the rest of most days / it's a battle, a small war, for words, for thoughts, for truth, for love, and on these tired days all i see are towels.


    february 10th 2015

    tingle twingle we make up words.

    define troll.
    define social.
    define friend.
    define wife.

    it's a narrow box we have put ourselves in, are we singers, writers, or even a nurse, who knows this body inside and out,
    looping from Henle past Langherhans islets and eventually to the mylein sheaths of motor neurons; this poot and her brain remembers it all.

    i would invent a word to mean boxless human.
    and all the rest can aspire to become boxless, so no one would know if they had long hair
    or liked Ikea
    or Coldplay
    or Christianity
    or physics
    or yes
    even tattoos.

    and i can't believe of the things that i have to keep reminding myself

    define standing alone.

    february 9th 2015

    perhaps it's a decent woman which begets a decent man.

    and yesterday, something reminded me i am Christian.
    let's re-package everything i have to say.
    no one is listening to un parcelated things anymore.
    and i desperately need them to listen

    february 8th 2015


    those of us who write, are searching. we are searching for the perfect combination of words, the juxtaposition, the context,
    of a set of words which when combined in short sequence, at first titillate, at once soothe, but ever-so-slightly cause you to be uncomfortable at the sight of yourself in the mirror.

    the monkeys and i are tweeting into oblivion;
    the Swiss man likes having a girlfriend;
    the coffee is hot
    but warms our souls.

    february 7th 2015

    finally, sleep, hunting down nightly thoughts, mostly about my daughter, and some about life too.

    difficult and heavy words follow me around of late; but in the mEp, they are stirred and tossed about,
    like salad,
    or confetti,
    and jambalaya,

    because the mEp has a softer brush; it doesn't argue with me; it doesn't judge me;
    and i don't judge you.

    but it needs to be said, on the pavement, on the walls, pounded and plastered, sword-like, mEp-like
    with every words i can find   /   every song i can sing   /    every confetti i can throw
    no matter who follows me back (thank you Patti Smith).
    several things, which need to be said, follow me daily, hang on my shortails and weigh my shoulders

    1. i will never waste yours and you must not waste my time. we'll be dead for long enough.
    2. if i have to stare at photo-shopped images of your 18 year old ass, spread across the sky like a cross and at every turn of my life,
    then i can talk about sex without being branded a slut.
    3. i can sing Christian songs JUST BECAUSE I LIKE THEM and it doesn't make me either a fundamentalist, anti-gay, or a Republican.

    there, i said it, my manifesto.

    welcome, feminists.

    ... i've never called myself a name, but something deep inside of me says that i'll go out with that.

    february 4th 2015
    je n'ai pas oublie charlie

    a night of unguents, journalists, and restraint, how can i count the ways.
    i am actually not that person who loudly and passionately told a story about what i feel i cannot post on facebook
    i am not that person the introverts were eyeing from down the table, opinionated and sore,
    catching my glimpse in the round mirror,
    i am not even blonde anymore

    i am more than that,

    than ever before.

    there are heaters in every room.

    february 3, 2015

    In the night i write pages in my mind.
    in the morning it's a whirling head which leaves no words for scribbling.

    last night, about houses grand; the ones i dreamed of and then changed my mind;
    they were there, in my dreams, created by television, no doubt, and big families were even written in a list of things i wanted.
    but we change, those of us who experience, who desire, and we might end of desiring lots of things which can never align with big families and cascading mahogany staircases; which are actually obtainable in this city; since there are many old ones.
    california called, didn't it. and upon our return, our goals mis-aligned, since he was afraid of houses, afraid of money, afraid of sharing,
    or perhaps simply had different goals. mine shifted.

    so in the end it's about aligned goals and work.
    i know that now. i'll be sure to tell her before she's 50.


    february 2, 2015

    DEAR TIME; what i hate you most for is making me check that my shoulders are still attractive and making me like perfume.

    february 1, 2015

    time and silence

    i had it, but now it's gone. creaking halls

    i don't do fiction;
    i do where fiction and non-fiction meet;
    where bygones can be bygones; where politics don't exist;
    where my world is the only world; be it fame or fortune; lost or lust; evil or no evil.

    since no one else is there.

    the mEp ... aka my Electronic pen . . . the 2015 edition ...and all of the contents therein are copyright  Poot's Place
    1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2013, 2014, and 2015.

    All photography original unless otherwise credited.  louern@vif.com