my    E l e c t r o n i c     pen                              ††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††       ††††††††      j anu a r y†††    †††††† 2018

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† †††

 

 

 

jan†† †††††††††31††††



I often want to write about why I never have the time to write

to scoop up all of the procrastination and having no time

in my arms like a bouquet

of a rich multicoloured internal life

waiting to be spoken

as I run around watering everthing

 

so once in a super blood moon,

it became a Wednesday still rife with concussion

where there was no school and there was no class

where I got to sit with my pile of Kleenexes

and write about 2011.

2011 will soon be 2021

We will have to make some friends or join a club

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† †††††††††26††††



I lost my second menthol swatch watch not far from where Leonard Cohen is buried

I often picture it, laying on the grass, itís silvery-turquoise links folded over one another,

I never have wondered if it rusted or was found, or was destroyed under a cemetery lawn mower

In my mindís eye, it still sits under that large cold cement bench, on the fresh june grass,

waiting to be picked up after we finished kissing.

Ö and we have not finished kissing.

 

and I still feel the rush and the extra fullness in my heart as it redistributes my blood

when I think about that day and

Itís a bit crazy that I still carry this with me:

and that so many parts of this city I had known for so long before that day trigger it

but then again

why wouldnít they.

It was the hope for a beautiful tomorrow:
the promise of freedom to be truly me

and the salvation from expectations

from myself.

 

 

 

 

"I found that things became a lot easier when I no longer expected to win.

You abandon your masterpiece and sink into the real masterpiece"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† †††††††††18††††



if I sit here

without you

 

water trickles above me

 

Iím forced

To stop

And listen

 

footsteps come towards me; a woman with a book is engrossed in chapter 21

 

if I sit here

without you

 

I heave a huge sigh of exhaled air

As the beat begins;

And it brackets the transitions

From electronic transfer of money

A trickling plumbing system

More footsteps

And me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† 16††††



just keep going

 

I did not write this on January 16

As I was forced to focus on every bone;

Every clenched jaw

Every naked project manager

With an entire body of clenched nerves

Trying to corrall people who wonít be corralled

Jesus

Let it all go

Just let it all go

 

Just listen to the trickling water

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† 14††††



Windex and Judgement

 

over the interwebs we live

us netarrati, us interwebians;

building stories and relations

out of blocks of text and paragraphs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† 13

 

I will tell you where desire moves

If you watch closely enough

It begins in the heart as a small flame

and transforms itself into pubescent confusion

about control and more confusion

then it lands squarely in the loins

where it makes its home until you fall in love

where it dances to different music

depending on your convictions

and how much alcohol is consumed

and for a time, it thinks it understands

itself

and itís particular gravitations

but

 

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† but if ever you decide that it is not required;

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† you think you can ignore it

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† that it is not related anymore to you

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† that you do not own it anymore

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† you will find it will transform itself

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† into very stranger things

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† like matching appliances

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† marathons

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† and total control over your children

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† and when this happens

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† if you are lucky

 

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† you will find yourself gravely mistaken

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† 12

mementos

 

mementos

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† 10

 

in the bleak midwinter itís midwinter

and more birthdays with large round numbers are forgotten than remembered Ė

heaters hum while a human awakes

and many hours later still stares at the bubblegum box.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† 9

 

the world is more beautiful when you dream

whether dreams of gold or silver

 

 

 

 

 

jan†† 8

 

the young beautiful ones donít want anyone marring their ideals

with their pointy toes pointing in one direction

click clack

and then they poop just like me and you.