February warmly arrived.

 


January 31 2016

we are city folk who like the country, not the inverse.
we buy kielbasa from the Poles; soy sauce from the Chinese; lamb and rice from Iranians.
the dance we watch is often bizarre and to get there we use the subway






















January 30 2016

30 days has september; not january.

so much time in these orange walls

is making me an introvert







January 29  2016
nights and days of sleep


a slight of hand woke me by 7:04
fortuitously waking before the call.
a large screen lights up on the left
and tiny little letters, white ones,
bang out here in sequence with my thoughts.

lights are coming on in her brain
lights which guide and lights which blind us both
cruel realities to be dealt with or swept under cover
realizing that she is kind in an unkind world
















January 27  2016 i was up before the dawn is it better to be understood: or liked, divides the world into two,


January 27  2016
i was up before the dawn


is it better to be understood: or liked, divides the world into two,
























January 26 2016



i could be an extrovert who thinks too much; or an introvert who needs people
maybe the correct way to view the world is to use data in order to form an opinion
then again, i could be someone who likes to think about how i feel;
as for that judging and perceiving; i prefer going back to facebook to clear my notifications before trying to organize my thoughts here.












January 22 2016
with a headache i woke
7:03 AM


all the muscles i have decided, in the last hour, to fixate themselves. ouch.
but sleep was thorough and long, and kept me well through the night, as
one by one dreams still unknown, visited me. it's friday.

at this moment epiphanagenically i realize that mEpping (as life) is richer with more people in it.
sitting from home to work and back again is dull and makes for a dull poots and a dull mEp
and albert  still hasn't answered my email. 

it's dark but clear, the sky the colour from early morning treks across the tundra in scenes from
grammy nominated movies; heaters whirr in the midwinter; children sleep; the fish tank gurgles
and although i apparently slept for hours, continually, on end, my ears ring.

there's a gene that marks for caffeine waking your bowels: i have it.

with 6 months to go before another birthday, i feel i need to get out of this proverbial chair.

some people randomly pop in my head and i won't even tell you whom.

ah, it was a dentist's chair who was filling my teeth with goopy blue stuff and she didn't like that i had already started
so she left before filling the back molars leaving me to wait for long, while watching the buzz around me and then an
older obgyn walked by and was not impressed with the smell coming from the can. she never returned. sitting there
was endless and the smell obviously gave me this terrible headache, or perhaps simply sitting with my mouth agape
for about an hour.

then i woke.

even my throbbing, aching brain, knew there was a reason.

good morning, friday.















January 19 2016
in the bleak midwinter....8:36 AM


pigs squeak loudly for more iceberg lettuce while outside a cold world waits for no one; not even John Oh.











 











January 7 2016
faster tired faster


i like change but only change for the smarter not the dumber.
brain freeze on tossing and turning;
the afternoon slaps me in the face
while i alt-tab in and out of real life
heaters blaze me from two directions
fatigue sets in as i force my brain to think about something
anything
for more than a nanosecond










- - - - - - - - -


January 5 2016





crossing the decarie, i snapped some cold selfies
for a Geogeek in Australia.


that's alot of different sky colours in the span of 11 seconds, apple.






January 4 2016
d-day


as christmas holidays are stretched to their limit
amidst frozen cars and new-fallen snow
and after myriads of sleep, hour upon hour interrupted,
on this night, this body tossed in subconscious fear
or loathing
or hatred
of work that's not work
and smiling for the masses
and it hasn't even been that long
so let the brain fuzz wash over
let the caffeine trip the wires
and just
go.






i do not know which of the chemical gods has blessed upon me sleep
but they did.

-  -  -  -



 January 3 2016
chapter three

i can't write without silence in the room nor in my brain
 and silence is a selfish thing
so writing is selfish
and chapter three says so.

if love is a science we can deconstruct it
it has vectors and chapters and wavelengths
and this year i will piece it together
and apart












January 2 2016
a closed chapter

again, briefly, a quite house and a loud ring in my ear, expecting the unexpected is never easy.
the mind of a growing child reruns previous experiences through a different lens so she can understand them and eventually
manages to formulate them into a cohesive bite-size, thought. not everything is so scary all of a sudden.

i would call this darkness a tribute to a closing chapter, the INFP in me, observing things from the outside in;
and a general state of mourning of who i used to be. viewing the world through mbti eyes is a lens i could never
have imagined : people are even further away from me than they have ever been : and it's allofasudden okay.


and speaking my mind gets harder all the time.







January 1  2016

Hello are you there God, it's me Margret












j