June is here

started cold but...




Might     End   Pleasant



july arrived
and zooming by







because we evolved in tribes, many of us try to re-create small groups in order to

be able to control their environment and their social construct so
they live in a controllable environment.






june 24.

here's the thing.
they assume i don't need help because they assume my life is like theirs.
perfect. organized. limited. retained.
yeah, it was once like that, but not anymore.



louise, that entj group, they are who you were, 30 years ago.



strangers have better conversations




it’s incorrect. i would say many believe things that are incorrect. there are many assumptions that are incorrect.
however. people believe that their perspective is correct. it makes sense, that what we believe is correct , since it’s what we believe, however it’s not necessarily correct.

the reason they believe what they believe is because they prefer to live in their perspective reality . i get that, but it’s not necessarily correct.

Some people don’t like to believe that they are just one human being out of 8 billion .

but that’s a fact




Misanthropy is caused by us, not them.







she called me back to tell me 3 things

1. andrea could have visited them
2. sorry we have to move
3. we should sell our house


she doesn't like city people
she doesn't like people

don't feel bad to shit on suburbanite boomers little poots,
if she doesn't like any city people
she thinks they do what the world tells them to do

we are actually allowed to do what society wants us to do
we can still be authentic



sorry to say but more people live in cities than in the middle of nowhere


people without children don't really understand life.


nope, most people are not like you
nope, not everyone is authentic
nope, many people are superficial
but yep, most people are not like you









"what i said'
(what i didn't say)


"i do everything"
(she was empathetic for someone who was mowing their lawn while the husband sat)

"he likes spending money"
(he has money)


"she is exhausting"



it's ALL about people...





(chloe's not allowed to not go but emmet is)







 june 14th

saturday
mom bday 88

complex day
research, work all night
awake all night then PM meds
3 texts and calls at 921 woke me up
headache thanks


does anyone ever ask about my life

nope.
not even you.don't sleep?
nope.

do you care about his career?
nope.

do you care that i am trying to go viral?
nope.
you only care about you.
so neither do i.













 friday june 13th

friday the 13th
formula 1
woke up 7am
tired
headache
life sucks
oh well
better than crashing



alot of sad things happened this week. (plane crashes, at least 2)
alot of bad sleep, but when i manage to sleep all night, what happens?
i get woken up by someone who piles Tupperware in the cupboard.
louise. spend money as u wish. if you enjoy it.
life will end.




birthday notes
cw notes

basically,












people who still say "Hons" and _____ (one other 1975 word)
are people who have never moved into the new world.






june 10:




who would come ? 
who has invited me ? 
who has had a party ? 
chris did but ummm he is a putinist ,,,🤦🏼‍♀️
who do i really want to see ?
not many of them 
most complicated is 
wait a second was his sister at his party ?
his party was a reunion 

charlotte would come 
nigel 
chris 
betty ?
would diana come ? 
who would i invite 
…
debby and her friend but would they come ? 
heike 
sarah would come 
anne banana 
ugh this seems so exhausting lol 
stressful 
i had hoped we would have parties up north but well that’s unlikely. 
now i pay a lot for a house we never use. 

i wanted muirhead to sing. 
i cant travel. 
when did i have fun up north never. 
ernie didnt get to have a 60th. 
should i ? 


















june 6

louise, you are allowed to disagree without explaining.
you are allowed to love the music you love.


you do not have to validate it.









june 5.
reality.


no one in this house does what i need.
however.
i do nearly everything they need.






Wed jun 4
10:48am

not awake yet
good morning Sara :)

retention policy.
shorter meeting without the ESFP
wednesday yay.

weird breakfast.
water flowers.
hot day.
brain half awake.
better than zero.

waiting for 1400 dollars.
many things to choose
his glasses his visa his trips
my bills my bills my bills


hot day yayayayayayayayayaya











 

Mun jun2
10:10am

not awake yet
fuck anyone who fucks up my sleep
fuck the world
ringing ears
dizzy head
tipping body
feeling dead


looking forward to 9 nights of sleep in June
please god

i could sleep now



















Sun Jun 1
10:51am



june started cold, may end pleasant.

sunday sunday so good for me
monday monday it was all i meant it to be
doggie walksie time
too cold to go live
too old to not live

gardening done;
yard completed;
money spent;
no money left lol;
that's about it.