may 15

evolving theories still go on


may 15

evolving theories still go on
through and out my brain

no matter the speed of life
this brain needs to stop and understand

for every ecart
every gap
in the world and my thoughts
and the world and itself
for every illogical thing
every unintentionally cruel person
those who simply think they are right
my brain stops
in it's tracks
to understand.

the world says it's not logical
the world says don't bother to understanda
but my brain must be neuroatypical
because it needs to figure every single thing out
that the world does not understand.
my brain feels bigger than the actual world;
not smaller.

my brain

the chapters that need to be added are

-boundaries at work
-prima donnas at work
-who talks first gets listened to
-work is a social construct
-mr B operates in constant fear, in constant insecurity
-why would any company allow this
-why do they think he is bringing in the most money? maybe it's true

-lots of people at work like working with me
-the nice ones

jump back home
chloe said she is leaving to maintain our healthy relationship
yes that is on her

covid arrived and illness throws off one's train of thought
for 2 weeks

then there's the hard part to write

then there's jenny and baylen...

and my realization that i am neurodivergent. neuroatypical. mind boggling that i just figured this out in april 2022.

conversation with neighbor, her trying to understand the world today, she stopped drinking because she made an inappropriate comment about an abused woman, she faulted the woman for not leaving the man. this is something i would have said in my teens and then i learned that women who stay with abusive men are very often the type of people who simply ...........

that and using the word "indian" and racism stuff, she doesn't understand why it matters. i told her how my mom mentions black people walking down the street and she asked why does that matter.

then we went into the modern world and she doesn't understand why people are the way they are, the so emotional liberal types, and what's with all the anxiety etc, she does not understand all of that, she is missing the x gene... long convo

the night before i chatted with a colleague and realized she is a crazy one as well.
i recorded our conversation and went to visit soeoe and of course the topic came up, the crazy republicans so i took out my phone and started playing her (talking about the baby formula being used for immigrants) and she said "turn if off! turn if off!" at the moment, i am bad at synthesizing

my TED talk to Chloe and Aalijah
-neuroatypical brains are obsessed with understanding the neutrotypical world because we don't fit in.
-as someone who is 5 feet, i don't fit into the physical world and it's annoying.
-normal size people don't NOTICE that they don't fit in to the world because they fit in.
-neurotypical people don't have a need to understand the world because they fit in.

ergo ipso facto: Neuroatypical people understand the world better than neurotypical ones
is that ironic or not/?

And then of course there's the whole crazy brain thing.. from Sheila my cousin to all republicans. what causes this.
long discussion.