june is here
vacation month

may i rest


you didn't know what the pandemic would bring
you didn't know how long, how psychotic, how traumatic it would be
you didn't know the price of heat
you thought it was going to be fun

much more than just 'she doesn't wanna hang out with us
much more than 'you're dumb'
many many things that weren't supposed to occur

so here you are.
just chill.

may i scream


it's not sad sad, when i say it's sad.

it's just sad that people live in their own little world;
their own narrow thoughts;
their own unwillingness to admit they don't know things;

you don't have to know everything, really, you don't
but you have to admit it
you have to not pretend that you know everything
step outside the box..
cause your box is small

don't get me wrong, i understand how it saves you
i wish i could be saved as well.


mother's day is a social construct
like work
like life

this mep has become a mess;
i apologize:
i'm canadian.

i apologize to me
to you
and to everyone
for this disastrous life

may i



it all started when ernie didnt want to buy the lower duplex
he wanted a house
he  is more conservative than me
needed to have his own space
in the end he didn't sadly
and then i had to spend money to try to make the house into a space  i wanted to be
and even if he liked the space he  drank and drank


so i tried and tried and tried
cost money

if i would have been where i belong, here in Snowdon, in a lower duplex,, for 109K,
much less money would have been spent

that's where this disaster started


may i

say i

may 8 8;24 am

ears taking off on the runway;

more Milk 2L ihaled for emotional support:
yes better than alcohol;
but me? what about me?
never better for me if i don't clean the entire house

mylife today

the level of me being expected to run a company is mind blowingly exeeding
i sorta knew from the start . that it wasn't gonna end well (cause nothing does)

cogeco: 52 page process and we were presented 3 slides and whoever didn't follow the process was the hero
sobeys: expected to fly to nova scotia to get the slow SAP girl to do her job
telus: expected to run around all day long talking
IcAxon: expected to move files back ad forth all day long
Harris: expected to manage every crack in the company
tsimagine : expected to covicne a dude in Urkraine to do what he had't done in years
enerkem: CIO hired to fix the IT department and I am being asked to tell my boss how to do his job


my life:
  • mouldy dishwasher
  • half pack of hotdogs gone overnight
  • 2L milk gone overnight
  • 8 bottles on the counter
  • soup on the table the next day
  • wash the kitchen floor by hand every day
  • vacuum  the house twice a day
  • vacuum fruit fliles 5 times a day
  • pay all the bills as late as i can so we can eat
  • manage all the cashflow and following payments;
    • City:
      • rent
      • hydro
      • energir heating
      • Fido 3 cell phones
      • WIFI  and cable :Bell
      • Food
        • groceries
        • toiletries
        • dishes
        • accessories
        • medical
      • Car payments every 2 weeks
      • car insurance
      • gas
      • cemetery plot payments
      • home insurance
      • life insurance
      • income tax payments
      • everything else including 4 credit card payments

    • Up north:
      • heating: Oil
      • Hydro
      • insurance (visa)
      • security
      • Wifi
      • snow clearing
      • taxes
      • saninord

  • tidy the house constantly:
    • wash the kitchen floor every day
    • water the plants
    • dusting
    • washing the tables, floors, windows, cupboards
    • take dishes off table, off his room, off her room,
    • put chairs back
    • wipe the chairs
    • wash the bathroom
    • take in the mail
    • clean the living room
    • lint roll everything, sofas etc
    • wash the piano keys
    • wash hallway lamps etc
    • wash mirrors
    • wash the patio door from dog goop
    • vacuum entrance way
    • sweep everything every day
    • sweep outside
    • arrange the recycling,
    • all laundry but his, towels, fold, hang,
    • grocery shop
What he does:

    - makes dinner
    -loads the dishwasher if i ask
    -washes pots every 4--5 days
    -his laundry but forgets it in the machine so i have to wash the machine mould regularly and the machine will be destroyed
    -drives chloe
    -walks dog sometimes

-leaves his dirty dishes on the floor in his room for weeks before picking them up