september pandember no-ender



sept 27
10:02  am



a cd plays on your stereo, ernie.
sounds just as good as when you bought it in the 80s.

as i walk around this big house, alone, slept, listening to music i have to tough through
the one thing that stands out
is the freedom of thought.
the space it gives my brain.
to think
to process
to feel
or not.


in the city there is no space for the sound of the music to travel to my ears
it is interrupted by so many waves on it's way
\and not all sound waves / but electromagnetic waves /

it's that space that gives me space
to process so many things
that need processing

and so today i wonder
about the millions of humans on earth
who live 9 in a small space
the luxury of processing
does not exist.


















sept 25
923  am



i once told a good friend that i never do things i don't want to do. she was shocked.
now look. i have graduated from McGill and worked all my life and taken care of a baby.
perhaps it just came out wrong. i know she is sad. and i get it.

so what seems to be the problem is that she and i are black and white. not black or white but black and white. and nothing in between. for us, we feel in extremes. in general, we don't feel.
when it's time to feel, it's either sky-high: over the top: all the way: perfect and beautiful excitement
or
total loneliness.solitary confinement. despair of the endth degree.

personally i have learned to moderate these feelings
largely by accepting that people are shit and don't care.
perhaps they are sitting in their own living rooms typing the same thing.
instead of caring they are sad too.
that's where Brene Brown comes in.




motivated
 









sept 19

8:26   am



i can tell it's complicated feelings for you-
watching me be so chill
in my space
with a view

view












sept 15
  7:56   am



on the tepid section of the mug,
the kleenex-requiring section,
the 'i might say hello to you' section
the looks out the window section,
it's the look around the room section,
the pick up the mEp section,
the "i'm actually alive" section.


borscht










sept 14
8:02 am



a bit of a dizzy me, back straight, waits for caffeine and chews
the september traffic on the park passes under the twinkling yellowish trees
it is the greenest time of the year
in spite of the pending yellows

kleenex number four

we looked at plants; which seems so frivolous
in spite of a comment about the hot tub
which will stay with me forever
8:10
morning people jogging
as i wait for a brain to be in gear for moving

no memories this morning, no bigger picture
just fingers on a tiny keyboard
a straight back
and time













sept 10
10.21

2001, it was a different world: for you and for me:
and then the next day it was different again.
and now it's different.
and in april
and in march
and steve never shuts up










sept 09

i'm not much of a writer these days
the world is in my way
but if i am not surrounded by people doing anything i consider 'a good job'
then i am unable to do one too
so let us count the capex
500 at a time


in order for some smart men to feel validated ( free will theory) they need to believe that they have free will.









 sept 08
modern world of project management :::

nothing is planned, people run around like chickens with heads cut off and as long as you are running around
even if you miss a major requirement and then get the team together to inform them,
you are seen as a great job! you are running around and no one else is so you are the star

😂

😂

😂



\


07 SEPT 2020

monday.

it's a mish mash of CDs piled on a shelf:
i am so sorry.

cds







05 SEPT 2020

saturday.

happy for some reason.
oh, maybe this.








03 SEPT 2020

thursday











02 SEPT 2020

one ear is a polygon and the other are horns in the kitchen
ignoring the jumping upstairs - a woman trying to look fit
in a pandemic


one tab hunts a liquid propane stove in a hurry;
another scrolls videos of expensive epoxy
the other is the guilt window - child
and the other fifty tabs are just what keep me occupied

while i stare at sentences wondering what to reply
how much time do you spend staring at sentances wondering what to reply...