oct 2

i can't say a thing
other than
i am not you
and that i hate that world

it's that FeSi world
as soon as you think i don't like you
you don't like me

it's a tricky place
when the other half of you is gone
the half that hated the world with  you
on your side

i used to be glad she is like me
but me raising me
wasn't a good idea

how do you  change a world
when you need roots

then there's the you who used to  have  a million  rules and now has mine

also remember when they  invited you before you bought a Canada goose coat
and remember that they have nothing nice to say about anyone...
including you

just agree to what i offer....

yes, i know i used to be fussy AF 25 years ago, doesn't mean i still am


is it friday
old day
new day
vlog day
blog day
dog day
dog day

sept 29

it's just nuts how many types of jobs i have dreamt of, but would never do.


INTP: why do they drink so much?

ENTJ: it's a  long answer that you don't have the patience to listen to


INTP: i don't like it when i'm not in control

gee, who is this conversation  about

sept 22

paid some bills
slept like shit
or the other way  around
another boring day to come
to clean the house
or suck my thumb

sept 20
explain the tweet


there are just so many people i shouldn't have been friends with....
sept 19

sept.. 18

can i speak now

viewMILcan i?
chips and frozen Hungaria through my brain
a lot of cats
and google-people
typing them would be easy
but not required
tick tick tick

view from #campusMIL
sept 14

sept.. 17

i'm free i'm free again
free to brain
free to drain
free to live

i can write this here because her world is the other world;
her life is her life;
her memory is obsessed with her

"did you  get a job"

sept.. 16

this is the good old days
believe it or not

waking up with this difficult brain of mine
and expensive horrible decaf
but in silence for a couple of hours
and after the resolution

this hole is definitely getting deeper


we choose people for certain qualities
but some of  us change
as life goes on
and then those qualities are no longer the most important ones

it was a  rough  night with ringing ears
and no bed
and   no boundaries
and now i have no space bar

are there bars   in space?

how long is a week
how does  someone  have no  boundaries

how much coffee will wake me



there are all kinds of people
some are alone for sad reasons
and some for real ones

there  is all kinds of money
big ones and medium
going in and out
and impacting everyone's lives
except those of us who are observant

if i write my anger
if i write my fears
it makes it real
so i skirt skirt skirt
but not with my thoughts
just what gets  recorded
which is every thought i have

this veil today is really bad
what  can compensate

i will try next time, world.



can i type small nope

but i can drink coffee
and listen to my ringing ears
and have a severe cramp
and a sore back!



about everything

dont wanna see your name if:
1)you never reach out to me
2)you expect shit from me that i never get from you
3)you are judging me and watching me and judging everyone
4)you hunt me down cause you are envious
5)you think i should live like you
6)you assume i live like you

the list gets nasty, poots

september vlog 

End of Summer 2022




Back to monitoring
back to counting
i actually care about the -3000
been a while
she will get some $
and do some math
she also watches
her numbers bath

it's sunday now and here i am
the N now works
was it a scam
gives sunday vibes
when i'm not sick
but still sick inside
when i think of it
of it and it and it and it

i'm losing words
that speak my mind
i'm hunting down
but cannot find
it is it is
what it is



photo  sept.  3



some more words need to  come out, to spout, to tout
large ones and small

actually just all

as times flies byes;
and life complies;

    and everything tries
and everyone dies

this is not wise

                sept. 1