dec 30

finally, coming to an end, lots of drama but some of it good i guess
honestly still nothing to say, dig brain; dig;
stretch it out  to forgive idiots;
stretch it out to be grateful;
stretch it out to forgive yourself

and tuck your pjz under your boobs so you can rest your lower back

you'll have a story to tell at 1:30: you are really good at that:
even though you have never actually worked hard on nothing at all
even though you feel smarter than nearly everyone and have no friends
you are very good at connections...

(looking back on this shit page, it's kinda not shitty.)

(when i have no one to talk to, at least i have you)

dec 25

i do not wish people merry Christmas
i honestly can't wish people merry something that actually has no meaning unless they are actually religious
and i don't think anyone around here is
but i did enjoy sitting in church
and so did the family(edited dec 30)

 am i the only one around here who knows what Fe is
Merry Christmas


dec 23

i have decided on my new-year's resolution.

I'm not doing everything anymore
and I'm writing it all here for the world to see
this way, i  don't have to say it to people online who tell me i need therapy
i just need to speak my  mind which is why I've been here since 1996....

  • i didn't' really want to go to the Christmas party
  • i spent 5 min in the store figuring out  the best deal on chocolates to bring
  • i spent 22$  on chocolates and have no money
  • he asked me to make pasta salad
  • i made a delicious pasta salad
  • he's keto
  • i had to make many decisions what to put i the salad
    • pasta is cheap yes but it needed salami, cheese, peppers and a cup of mayonnaise and i had just bought mayonnaise on sale for 6.49
    • actually, the peppers were my favorite, also on sale,  none  left now. 
    • the salami was very affordable and i was happy to have 3.48 of salami to make about 10 sandwiches, all gone now
  • get to the party and most people were finished eating, only a little of the salad was eaten so i made sure we brought it home and put it in the fridge so the girls could eat some today and i wouldn't have to cook or buy food
  • there was about 6 cups in the tub when i put it in the fridge last night
  • he's keto
  • i  just went to the fridge to eats salad and there is about 2 cups left

dec. 21

Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!

smart people: please help me describe this concept. generally on a daily basis (for me,about 99% of my life) I just use stuff and make sure the house functions. (I do everything: from finding a place to live, to getting jobs, schools, heat, food, cleanliness, animals, cars, vacations, parties, gifts, etc etc etc 100%). So most of the time I don't contemplate using shit. What do I mean?Yeah, that's my question. Once in a while when I'm not stressed and have time to think, I have these really cool thoughts, but I don't know what to call them. EG: I realize that this glass of orange juice is a definite amount. So I appreciate each and every sip. I think about people who don't have orange juice, and who would consider each sip a blessing. Don't shit on me for being privileged (I'm not THAT stupid) but, I know alot of people who never have these kinds of thoughts, so I would love to be able to explain them in a more concise manner.

dec. 19

My story is 57 years long… It’s wonderful to be asked this question, but I certainly can’t articulate it in a comment section on a phone with two thumbs. Also, even though us neurodivergent people are obsessed with trying to understand the neurotypical world we live in, we struggle with articulating our own stories… I have been trying to understand why i’m different for decades, but it only gets harder the more i understand neurotically brains.

because my brain will be trying to come up with examples all day long. There’s a Christmas song playing on the radio Feliz Navidad and I was thinking do I really care if people have a merry Christmas? And the answer is no. Do I really care if somebody has a merry Christmas? i’ve always felt super awkward saying merry christmas. BUT how do i articulate this to anyone without sounding like a psychopath? not possible .


i followed her for over a year
but once i realized she knows she isn't telling us everything i now have a glitch and am obsessed with it

dec 18 Hanukah

to me, a Catholic (non religious person) wishing someone happy Hanukah is weird.
i do not know what it means
i do not believe in God

stop sending me weird things

dec 17

they came this morning
(snow clearing)

i used to visit my dad
i did this
i did that

cruel to say

dec 15

a little more alive and less brain dead today
no EI yet, kinda worrisome..

sun is  out
dog is home
kids are home and child is up and out with a boy

payments will go through -- at least good ones -- car and insurance  --

wrist sore today
weatherstripping done, kinda satisfying
nothing poetic here
but roof


and presents.
and  noise.


dec 12

some people think tiffany is allowed to fool us

dec 8

not glory

dec 5

depressing wakeup by the people upstairs running a gym
an hour to get out of bed
while calculating
and wondering
and judging those morons
all of them
coffee helps

full house
child on the sofa
'friend' in her room ready for work?
man making noise
not going to work
hair in my face
wrist sprained again

dec 4

heating is heating
no one will read this
in a million years
if only the n works

nothing to do today;
no money until thursday
long toss and turn night
poop time

dec 3

it's crazy the shit i do.
i would say about 40 people in montreal do what i do.
it's crazy how people don't care about other people.
i'm obviously dumb.

if people are asleep in my house, no matter the time or day,
i tip toe, i pick up a mug silently,
i cover the coffee machine as it bubbles,
i close the doors,
for hours.

if i see dirt on the floor (every day)
i wash it
i sweep
i vacuum (only when they are awake)
i lint roll the sofa every day
i vacuum the hallway every day,
the hair
i move the entry way rug back in place about 3 times a day
i put the shoes away

i take all of the holiday things out of the closet
every year
twice a year
i remove huge boxes
i do all of the decorations
i buy all o the things
i organize the boxes
i decide where the tree goes
i decide what decorations to use
i spend weeks shopping, deciding, spending,
packing, wrapping, mailing,
i pack uo all the boxes and i put them away.
every year.
i do it all

i'm not kidding
i've asked them to help deoorate
i think she put about 10 deorations on a tree in 12 years.
me? about 1500
plus tinsel
plus vacuum the pine needles
plus throw away the wrapping
plus orgaize the tree
plus take the photos
plus spend 30 min hunting these down to post them here


dec. 2

if you own a building and
you have the entire wiring redone and holes made in all walls and you never come to see the finished job and tenants send you pics because the workers left the circular saw on their dining table and beer cans and cigarettes all over the house and paint spilled on everything and the floor had massive scratches and thepainter was given coulours  3 times and he painted all the rooms wrong colours and holes left in  the walls and you threaten to kick your tenant out,

you should feel like a horrible person.

if you are sending a bank inspector to evaluate your building and you do not show up and leave it on the tenant

you ARE a horrible person.

december 1, 2022


6 thumbs up