march marched in

march 1

the amount of things i cannot say are piling up and knocking things over.






 

feb 23

9:07am

yes i'm hiding
from a dog
and from you
...
in the middle of a few conversations: cognitively dissonant, upgrading a Mac,
correcting corrections, hiding from a dog, ducking in general, from a messy kitchen
and a messy life, and a clan of judgement.

simple human tweets are calling
jobs seem to be calling as well
i can make my own plan
i am my own plan

is it cognitive dissonance that it bothers me that it bothers you?
does the circle ever end?
it does.
i know it does.
everything comes full circle.
even cognitive dissonance.

trust me.











feb 20

  10.56 am

not bougie enough

my theme is not very bougie either thees days
n'importe quoi and hate
hating on boundaries, whatever they are
or perhaps they aren't

it's a family that thinks it is
but it isn't.











feb 16

9.02 am

humanity returned


dreams of an everyday housewife;
wild ones now gone as the snow piles
and piles

there was a hotel, we decided to crash at, we had been downtown,
there was a work event, an interview with an older woman who told me i was too shy
so i opened up to show her my real side and she said yes
moral of a story


a certain level of privilege has returned to my soul,
carried with it the memory of foundational non privilege:
it keeps me aware
and content
at almost
all
times.



 


















feb 15

8.54am

on non-bending back, i sit straight up.
determined to wake up
in my way.
so i can have my day.






there is an order to waking
standing
peeing
coffee
bathroom
coffee low brain
coffee mid-brain
coffee right brain.
louise brain.

and when this phase is missed: there is no louise.
when it gets interrupted: no one else gets louise either.


sore back muscles, sore butt bones, ringing singing ears as the java permeates
chewing cheek, cold room, people to answer to, assignments to correct,
the time for me is done before my coffee's done.
my time is up.

9.14am













feb 13



i veil my words to keep you safe:
i learn slowly but when i learn i learn;
i control a lot but i keep pushing:
in groups one learns to listen
to breathe
to support
i am thankful i learned this



feb.12
Nova day 2

ten am with weird timing:
already have basked in freezing sunshine
while the pupper tries to eat the pigs
silence, little whines, darkness, ten fifteen.
cereal, silence, and a little red spot on my arm
as the pupper flounces to the floor slamming her massive head on the ground
as a super nova would do.

eleven oh three with no schedule amiss:
work to be done
have we replaced you

                 

feb.10 
pupper landing day

eyes on me.
9 am and 10 am.

stale coffee on a new morning:
new sun:
new daughter:
new dawn:
new day.

back straight:
text straight:
man straight:
"straight up now, tell me is it gonna be you and me forever"

A super Nova lands today
in our airport
in our living room
in our hearts

welcome, explosion
welcome,
we will all dwarf beside you.

MBTI break

---

(posted in MBTI group and it absolutely is an ENTJ thing:)
if i love something and i'm obsessed... like Fran, I have to share it
i cannot enjoy it alone

---

feb 9

wakey wakey back - a - achy

what a sleep - dreaming of wavy

from on a meeting in a house in the woods
with teenagers walking through it
on a path
explaining to the guy on the phone
my busy life
to the edge of the sea
and the edge of New England
explaining kayaks
then swimming myself
around the "dream" ocean bend from bygone dreams
to a massive wave
and the thing person on my right holding a child over her head and me her waist
as the wave washed over us





and then woke with this body achy
as though the dream was a portal
to another life.


ref: chloe's story about this week's schedule
the pupper swimming

oh, time to start the countdown...
36 hours till the Eagle lands.

meet Nova:


















feb 1 -8 : class