april 2021







march 31

saying goodbye to march
without a job on april first
counting numbers in my head
and so many things i never said
don't talk to me
before reality











march 29

alot of people might say we had little in common.
he owned company mugs.
i bought a 2 thousand dollarbunkbed.
i told everyone i met everything there was to say.

we were both N.
we both  loved and hated the world with equal measure.



march 26
freeday

when i have the wherewith-all to stir the sugar in before the cream
it's a good day.












 

march 24
wodensday
weedensday
weedleday
woesismeday

moving out of zombie mode
summer is coming
sunshine
beer
bbqs
normalthings


we all need a real vacation.....................







march 22

zombie-life
9am
feels like six.

in this house, 4AM is the party
and 9 am is recuperation time
we are not sensors
not a single one.








march 19

waking up for a reason
only drugs put me to sleep
remnants of exhaustion lurk in my brain
caffeine will be the temporary fix













march 12
twenty twenty one
nine ten

not enough REM
waste of a morning
so here i am

i don't train humans
who don't train dogs.

march 11 came and went
some days are getting bigger
as i watch her get over the mountain
which has a cliff
and a valley

i watch.
i detach.
i know what will change.
nothing.
except change.












march 10
twenty twenty one
8:29  am - early morning peace.
always expect the unexpected.





       me and a dog.
         and a forced air heater in the kitchen.
              and Argentinians upstairs.
                    and the INTP on twitter.


      a    child at "work"  helping children.
              a swiss man quietly enters the building.
                      counting my seconds of peace
       

                    unusual morning on many levels. . . . .
                       















march 9
twenty twenty one
8:50  am - the cement table with a sore back and missing sleep

i guess this is what one calls a dark time
dark for me is finite isn't it
but it's dark here all the time
where no one comes
and i'm all alone
but

twenty thirty is coming












march 8
twenty twenty one
842 am the "blue room" reconfigured.
international woman's day
where we suffer.

i've come from around the corner:
25 years ago.
to this corner:

no one asks us ENTJs how we are because we only talk about how we are when we feel like it






march fifth
twenty twenty one
802 am the "blue room"

you think you know what i do; who i am; how long do i have to say this into thin air
perhaps until you are gone:

fourteen minutes of silence and coffee become meaningless as time goes on
i wake for what, for more exhaustion,
i'm the restaurant owner, the hotel manager, the accountant, and the mediator,
telling grown men i'm brushing my teeth six times, words which went through a hole,
telling a grown man that i know his job and he still tells me not to be nervous,
and let's not let him tell me who i am either.
i present myself.

in other departments:
cashing 2 thousand here, moving 3 thousand there,
owing 1,000 for  heat and 835 for more heat,
while enjoying the cold, enjoying the pristine priceless lake
the zeros become meaningless
on all transactions.


i've come through to the other side:
where i can periodically reclaim my life
and not let "things" get to me
other than useless humans
left right and center.

now we know why dogs exist.








march threeth
twenty twenty one
8:42 am Val des Lacs






    laundry day while a growing pooch plays in piles of marshmallow snow
    java is faded: world is gray :

    sipping
    holding
    wishing
    no filters.




   

           


















march oneth
twenty twenty one

is too triggering for me