march


feb27
  11:42 am



brother shower matters
not friendly enough i wouldn't call her

feb26
  9:41 am



in the moment:
           
            sipping coffee:
            every chip counts:
                    4 dollars for a bag  of chips

the word is not in the moment, no, i'm sorry internet
it's about  the value of the moment;
the value of the last chip, as if you were in the Andes


in the room:
out the room:
in the room:
out the room:
like an animal


















feb23
  7:32 am



first time in over a decade that i've had to hold in my bowel movement in  the morning

7:40

nose stuffy; ears ringing; panicky night; slept ok enough for 2 meetings











feb22
  7:31 am



earlyer birder today!

happy  bday chantal

you know,
it's an interesting concept;
posting photos of yourself on a beach on social media;
yes,i  do it too...
but it's more interesting when people without kids do it;
and the concept of; yes we are allowed to post whaat we want
but so many who see it cannot afford to go to Columbia;
or can't go for health or family reasons;
i can't go because of children, because i give my life to them
yes
perhaps they are very sad to see my children as well;
which i rarely post
so yes
the conversation is
be careful what you fucking post.

















feb 21
1140am

anthony bourdain was romantic 
i am romantic 
ernie was romantic 
chloe is romantic






feb20
  7:42 am



are my friends getting old?
am i getting cold
they are definitely avoiding me;
oh well











feb19
  9:10am


you don't wanna know what i am thinking
so i will not say it

coffee is shit this sunday
dog is loud
man woke me up, destroyed my sleep

people upstairs are assholes, sensors, you fuckers, it's 9am on sunday, this is not a house in beaconsfield
it's a duplex, you do not live alone,  please be respectful
they move in and out every morning and night
yet i cannot complain because we'll get kicked out


back broken this morning
had fans on all night
poots don't do it again

and coffee is water

ears are about as loud as upstairs
please just shut up.











feb18
8:04 am


3 debaters in  a row
first time in this bar,
met at work but neighbours now


i had a moment
 






Feb 17 - photo taken by stranger - on Charlotte's phone




feb15

8:35 am

i still love you very much and with all my heart.
Everything in the whole wide world is better with you.
You make everything worthwhile.
I am a bit ___ at times as for me any things just do not compute,
as you may have noticed over the years.
I wtill would not like to miss you for anything.
It may not appear but I am really trying to be my best for you,
as I would not like to disappoint you.
I am very greatful for all the patience you have shown e,
In love,
A.










feb14

7:27 am

hair in my face;
ringing in my ears;
coffee in my cup
fingers in my cheek;
heartbreak in my heart











feb13

9:29 am

i suppose for the sensors, my preference to interact with  others might feel odd
i do get that







 





sunday
feb12

9:23 am

funeral day
but i have a different story to tell
chewing cheek; aching back; dirty glasses;
but the coffee is yummy today

after hours and
hours
and
hours
of tossing and turning;
because you wake me up
i finally get back  to sleep and wake up to a quiet house
and my goal is to get through the wake up process in peace and quiet
sipping coffee

but oh no
no
no

you have a mental health condition which is the only thing you feed into

so when you hear me; no matter the time of night or day
you appear

when the only thing i need in my life is silence before drinking my coffee
it's the only  thing i ask for for me (the house is all of ours so cleaning isn't for me only)

but no, ,no no,if you hear me, you appear, get my blood going before i drink my coffee,
racing anger after 5 hours of trying to sleep
instead of wakening caffeine molecule by molecule;
where i used  to write the most beautiful poetry
instead of this shit,
which i am pretty sure no one has ever done

so here i am.

and then, the worst part,
after you missing your children's  birthdays;
after you miss-scheduling your entire classes; 
fucking up on  countless dates with speakers;
and bla  blaa  hundred other dates you never care about (not even asking how my  first day at work went)
you say:
"Is  today the Corey thing"

...
i am sorry world,, but this is my story, i am sorry Corey, but this is my world.

saturday
feb11

10:10 am

saturday
in the park
not yet

long night but got back to sleep phewph.
quiet house atm thankgod
other than ears

came to say a word:
about career:
about what you do:
what you leave behind:
and ten seconds later i forget;
shows how history is meaningless

all memories are made up; your  choice;

please remind yourself

one day you'll be gone too




UGG. i get the courage once a year to reach out, and get this yet again



- These recipients of your message have been processed by the mail server:
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info@mt-royal.ca; Failed / Échec; 5.3.0 (other or undefined mail system status / état du système de messagerie différent ou non défini)
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From:  <louern@vif.com>

Subject: Tombstone : plot SecA4-903-O

Date: February 11, 2023 at 10:23:36 AM EST

To: info@mt-royal.ca

Hello,

I would like to order a tombstone for this plot, I have emailed Cecile Krasker however it seems she no longer works at the cemetery, her emails bounced.

Please let me know our options - also I would like to know if you think it is possible to have the stone installed before April 14 if we order it this month,

Thank you

me

feb10

8:04am

-not allowed to hate headsets, having your head  squeezed, she does not want to hear me  say that
-stop saying anything  louise related to your personal emotions

-she doesn't think she should tell me which projects i'm assigned to, nor any handover at all, just read seventy pages

-no, just spend  2 minutes telling me what the project is about and i'll save you 2  days of trying to figure it out myself. yes i'm a senior project manager but i'm still human being.

5:56 pm
day 2


630
630
$1260






feb 9
8:40am

so looks like you're allowed to post without
looking at other's posts. which is what i do.
loud ringing ears second day; awake from about  3am to 530 am and the another hour and half of sleep,, so i' aching and ringing ad dizzy and a little bit nervous
and also writing shit but well that's life
i want to write every day and  even if my brain is broken here i am

what  do they do in the morning;
not this;
nor that;

what else can i say
so many are useless and broken
and under  rubble :(
sometimes i understand rubble
                                                               
                                                                                                                                            tangerine, atwater, feb.7

that's a big tangerine
isn't  it.







feb 8
work
$630 (more than his pay for 2 weeks)





feb 7
8:40am
nothing


3:44 pm
atwater market: magazines: wine: bread: cheese:
ringing ears and soon wine time


































feb 6
9:52am


never see anyone  discuss my kind of work stress

11:11 am

it's a  long process
to go from
caring what they think
to realizing


















do the smartest people on earth hate people







feb. 5

8:35 am


my brain is weird
i just realized that  if  you live in halifax, you never trend, so you don't  really matter (i lied!)

my brain believes the most  important stuff happens in new york city
and los angeles
although new york rarely trends

i  fucked  up

depressing...
he doesn't close the door all the way
(cold  air comes into the kitchen, which has no radiator)
he drinks half of the milk  that isn't his even though he knows it isn't (about 2$  in one gulp)
he won't clean anything othher than his clothes unless i tell him 50 times
the dog stinks, he won't bathe her unless i lead the activity
he will eat the rest of pasta on the stove but leave the allumium on the pan 
he will unwrap beer and never throw the wrapping away (I've left it behind the microwave, i'll take a pic in 10 years)
i posted a pic of his  closet -
i'll bet 100  dollars (that i don't have) that he has not fixed his taxes and will get paid 400 dollars on thursday













feb. 4

8:20 am


minus twenty nine
fuckers woke me up
silent world
ernie's gone

everyone  else left   is kinda dumb







feb. 3

9:40 am


while I'm having silence
sensors chat about
nothing so important
nothing that i doubt

nothing inter-esting;
nothing deep and lean;
nothing that's investing;
nothing that i mean.


we learn in  our  heads




3:58 pm
2009?





feb 2
9:46 am

i guess they've noticed
and slightly noticed


so you see, some types don't notice that they aren't understanding your sorrow
but need you to understand theirs something like that












feb 1
9:02 am

cafe
wakey
februweary

fontaweary
boobaweary
everything a weary;

i have thoughts all night

sensors want to keep doing the same thing



inappropriate sent dec 17  filmed in 2015 or 2016