april zoomed in

march 28 2023
749 am

damaging wake up;
can't mention why

no more alcohol on weeknights
even a teeny tiny

arch 27 2023

 9:13 am


arch 26 2023

10:10 am

i do feel bad for sensors, i honestly do

but i slept

and the BOLD coffee isn't too horrible

Sunday runday ucky rainday
Oka-day drive-a-day maybe see my mom--a-day

so sad to spy on someone you envy
so so so sad
i am sorry


they've honestly never looked happy for me once
i'm slow
because of my choices
or maybe  because

i know many of you hate me because i left him, but let's see what you would have done
if you weren't a psychologist

arch 25 2023

9:39 am

crazy dream (couldn't find the file i wanted to share on teams and as i walked away the dude yelled that he couldn't see me)(then chloe played)
i hunted and hunted and my screen kept showing cartoons  that i never watch over and over again

yes it's hard not to have friends

march 21 2023


now, not sure if i'm gonna have all the $$$$
but at least it's booked IF i do

arch 20 2023


not much creative  here;
i could perhaps write my thoughts all day;
the first ones are difficult
all them are

and the  keyboard is busticated;

and well she says i should spend my money on the  wall and all the things i say i can't afford
instead of vacation

but she's wrong;
it's not my house.
and it's not her money

depressing thoughts about possible narcisssism;

march 19 2023

parade day
but you don't say
last asia day
but you don't say

it's pretty much over,
which well, is sad
but i guess i do know why
ya'll just a bunch of STs
who answer a hard phone;
perhaps suburbanites,
fixed rules,

i get it
i was  there

i'm just not anymore

the rest of this life will be sad
but i am who i am
and i've never once  done anything with malicious intent

just like you

arch 14 2023

snow  day

city day

subway day

march 13 2023

real boot  removal day

dog scratches the door

"it takes me 25 seconds to get up ad 25 seconds  to sit down and it's easier for you|



march 6 2023

boot  removal day
ernie missed all this...
breaks me up

i guess many people just work.
day to day.
or maybe it's just me who doesn't have a friend since you died.
i am sorry.
i did  not want you to die
you did not want to die
i don't know how many time i say this a day

arch 5 2023
10:17 am

even  if i  boasted and bragged and self-aggrandized;
nothing  would change;
perhaps they do hate me

perhaps my brain is empty because  i did let i t all out...

you see, if therapists tell you that everything you feel is OK,  then you become the center of the world.

like, what  do you do when you get to this point in life

they think they\re close but close for them ain't close for me

Yes, yes, don't forget, High School mentality
who said that, remind me, brain
i mean
it's OK if you haven't matured beyond high school mentality



but that's the entire society we live in.

march 4 2023
9:00 am

i will provide examples
one by one
for my brain
to believe me

- offer condo, nope!
- no socks - fancy cord
- send pics
- no dinners
- change will
- 300 thousand dollars, no 1,000

i know you think i'm perfect
but i'm not


arch 2 2023

one day i will  say it all

in the meantime

you can fool people who  think they are fooling you.

 march 1 2023

wednesday white rabbits; white day; but dark inside;
work is painfully boring and unclear;
no real structure; sad