.....the m E p.com


diary of an aging ENTJ
    my    E l e c t r o n i c    pen



March 31
7:51 am

last night as i tucked my toes in their place
under your barely asleep thigh
    it was all i could do to refrain from thinking about all the time
they won't be able to do that

and in the morning
when they felt for the temperature of your side of the bed
i had forgotten all about it

March 30
each memory from each job i have is unique and share one quality: negative
that is the strangest thing

March 27
we finally bought a house
    and he didn't really want it
so save your money on earrings
   plan your purchases weeks in advance
i hope that works for you
    and i hope you like your house
  and i hope he kisses you
in the middle of the night
  maybe he does

you and i
    we both go to extremes

March 24

   my kleenexes follow me around
his coffee grinds less so
    my towels are hung by the chimney with care
and there's never anyone else there
    for the constant washing and grinding and heel pounding
and no one in the universe cares about vacuuming these worn floorboards
    but me

so many thoughts of dust in my head
my head explodes with dust thoughts
crossed with my ENTJ
and the constant teeter-totter of old car new car
practical flashy
Ni or Ne
Ti or Te
Si or Se

flesh or blood
life or death
or both

March 22

   there are those who wake with a quieted mind
peace in their mind and shoulders down
   and coffee wakes only their legs
and their brain stew is never fermented
   and mine simmers

it has become my chain
i thought it was my life
in fact it's only my thoughts
and they are not me
if i decide they are not


so that's something we have in common

March 21

   i move easily between extroverts and introverts
        between rich and poor
            old and young

i move between me and him, between her and i,
    between normal and abnormal
    kind and cruel
always preferring to move

March 20

flat out
tinnitus is my only companion
once the Swiss man leaves

this night of Bow Pose sleep
this long tossed night

i rarely google tinnitus but i often google sleep

March 19

reading voraciously bits of what i need to know
the INFPs are asking about fear
  and thinking too much
yes thinking too much is a real thing.
  it could be all in your head.

March 17


i am a hopeless wanderer while being entj
i wrestle with just about it all
as i copy paste
my swiss husband asks if i'm drinking green beer
and i drink neither green
nor beer
in the morning.


March 14


Water is my greatest luxury 
either I am soaking in its quickly moving molecules while the machine spins the mildly discolored water away from the black fabrics
or i am hand-soaked in dishes with it spilling over the edges of the sink
or i am boiling turnips or ramen or fusilli or asparagus
the dishwater provides respite from a busy day
or it's cooling graces quench through my throat after running
and showers of drops cleanse away the sweat.
I am with water all day long.

March 13

i made it to a ripe age before running out of time in a day
morning time was once long and short
    and now i don't know what it is at all

what i know is that the rat race was never for me
and i never felt like a rat
until i stopped running

with tepid coffee
and cold wrists
minutes go by
as i slowly quickly wake

March 12
midday cooking
lateday cooking

how to focus and how to focus and what to focus on
time changes

enough shopping for one week - budgets are aligned and groceries, even a small amount, cost alot
how many times can i post such questions, from socks, to bras, to food, asking over and over
and over

how much is the right amount

now that i know what a dollar is.

March 11
money markets / someone turns 60 / chilly chilly march
the coffee is black today and i nearly don't care
where is my body in all of this
    i dragged it to the movies for one
and watched a bus driver - i dreamed of poetry in his honor
and felt soft in the bed in hers

  how often do you buy underwear or socks or bras
all aching questions for me
    there must be answers
says this ENTJ

as she pens a few queries
drinks black coffee
and listens to the heater hum
and children play loudly through one hundred year old floors
that's alot of toilet paper...

March 10
how can there be so much to say and so few ways to say it
a week is barely time anymore
a morning barely enough to awake
a mind which lives in all time simultaneously
can never get a thing done

this free thinker is bogged down by non free thinkers
and wants to know what to think

objectively i am overweight; burdened; and dirty;
subjectively sane, precise, and kind

it's been a while since i've been so conflicted , perhaps never , between myself and what i should do, which allegiances i should forge , i face these constantly and daily

but writing it here helps
anything in black and white helps

conflicted by St. Patrick's day
conflicted by one fork and one spoon
and the thirty two i own
conflicted by riches and poverty
friendships and enemies
and adding Meetup to the mix
every new person who doesn't know me
is a chance to become known

a chance for anonymity


<<see photos>>


<<end photos>>

March 6
an achy poot aches on spring break
the morning rumble quieted.

empty calorie brain rings
empty belly brain stares
and empty blood brain barrier yawns

yet these eight fingers, sometimes nine, slowly, to a pace, clickety clack

we clickety-clack
emma watson yacks
letterman grows a creepy retirement beard
danil plays etudes
and we bring our shoulders down
for a magical

i need to shop
how often do you buy underwear

March 5

a million stories not told
a million thoughts to uphold

March 3

more chewing than you can shake a stick at


March 2 


have i really slept all night, i'll wait for the tepid aging and slightly curdled coffee and let you know as i type

tabs have failed me in sea-monkey how many revisions will i wait until someone fixes it

or did i use tables in the past to rectify this so let me rectify


i have rectified and justified  


the mEp

1996 - 2017