.....the m E p.com

          2017

diary of an aging ENTJ
    my    E l e c t r o n i c    pen


 
 



april




March 31
7:51 am

 
last night as i tucked my toes in their place
under your barely asleep thigh
    it was all i could do to refrain from thinking about all the time
they won't be able to do that

and in the morning
when they felt for the temperature of your side of the bed
i had forgotten all about it







March 30
8:25am
 
 
each memory from each job i have is unique and share one quality: negative
that is the strangest thing











March 27
7:09am
 
 
we finally bought a house
    and he didn't really want it
so save your money on earrings
   plan your purchases weeks in advance
i hope that works for you
    and i hope you like your house
alot
  and i hope he kisses you
in the middle of the night
  maybe he does




you and i
    we both go to extremes







March 24

 
   my kleenexes follow me around
his coffee grinds less so
    my towels are hung by the chimney with care
and there's never anyone else there
    for the constant washing and grinding and heel pounding
and no one in the universe cares about vacuuming these worn floorboards
    but me


so many thoughts of dust in my head
my head explodes with dust thoughts
crossed with my ENTJ
and the constant teeter-totter of old car new car
practical flashy
Ni or Ne
Ti or Te
Si or Se

flesh or blood
life or death
or both
constantly





March 22
   

 
   there are those who wake with a quieted mind
peace in their mind and shoulders down
   and coffee wakes only their legs
and their brain stew is never fermented
   and mine simmers
constantly

it has become my chain
i thought it was my life
in fact it's only my thoughts
and they are not me
if i decide they are not

...

so that's something we have in common










March 21
    moving

 
   i move easily between extroverts and introverts
        between rich and poor
            old and young

i move between me and him, between her and i,
    between normal and abnormal
    kind and cruel
   
       
always preferring to move











March 20
   

 
  
flat out
tinnitus is my only companion
once the Swiss man leaves

this night of Bow Pose sleep
this long tossed night






i rarely google tinnitus but i often google sleep











March 19
   

 
  
reading voraciously bits of what i need to know
the INFPs are asking about fear
  and thinking too much
yes thinking too much is a real thing.
  it could be all in your head.





March 17
   

 
 

i am a hopeless wanderer while being entj
i wrestle with just about it all
as i copy paste
my swiss husband asks if i'm drinking green beer
and i drink neither green
nor beer
in the morning.



 










March 14
   

 
 

Water is my greatest luxury 
either I am soaking in its quickly moving molecules while the machine spins the mildly discolored water away from the black fabrics
or i am hand-soaked in dishes with it spilling over the edges of the sink
or i am boiling turnips or ramen or fusilli or asparagus
or
the dishwater provides respite from a busy day
or it's cooling graces quench through my throat after running
and showers of drops cleanse away the sweat.
I am with water all day long.




March 13
   

 
 
i made it to a ripe age before running out of time in a day
morning time was once long and short
    and now i don't know what it is at all

what i know is that the rat race was never for me
and i never felt like a rat
until i stopped running

with tepid coffee
and cold wrists
minutes go by
as i slowly quickly wake













March 12
    sunday
cooking
 
 
midday cooking
lateday cooking
    clicketyclack

how to focus and how to focus and what to focus on
time changes
everyone

enough shopping for one week - budgets are aligned and groceries, even a small amount, cost alot
how many times can i post such questions, from socks, to bras, to food, asking over and over
and over
again

how much is the right amount

now that i know what a dollar is.

















March 11
 
money markets / someone turns 60 / chilly chilly march
 
 
the coffee is black today and i nearly don't care
where is my body in all of this
    i dragged it to the movies for one
and watched a bus driver - i dreamed of poetry in his honor
and felt soft in the bed in hers


  how often do you buy underwear or socks or bras
all aching questions for me
    there must be answers
says this ENTJ

as she pens a few queries
drinks black coffee
and listens to the heater hum
and children play loudly through one hundred year old floors
that's alot of toilet paper...






















March 10
 
how can there be so much to say and so few ways to say it
a week is barely time anymore
a morning barely enough to awake
a mind which lives in all time simultaneously
can never get a thing done

this free thinker is bogged down by non free thinkers
and wants to know what to think

objectively i am overweight; burdened; and dirty;
subjectively sane, precise, and kind

it's been a while since i've been so conflicted , perhaps never , between myself and what i should do, which allegiances i should forge , i face these constantly and daily

but writing it here helps
anything in black and white helps

conflicted by St. Patrick's day
conflicted by one fork and one spoon
and the thirty two i own
conflicted by riches and poverty
friendships and enemies
and adding Meetup to the mix
sigh
every new person who doesn't know me
is a chance to become known

a chance for anonymity






<<vacation>>

<<see photos>>


vacay


<<end photos>>








March 6
 
an achy poot aches on spring break
the morning rumble quieted.

empty calorie brain rings
empty belly brain stares
and empty blood brain barrier yawns

yet these eight fingers, sometimes nine, slowly, to a pace, clickety clack

we clickety-clack
emma watson yacks
letterman grows a creepy retirement beard
danil plays etudes
and we bring our shoulders down
magically
for a magical
week

i need to shop
how often do you buy underwear
















March 5


a million stories not told
a million thoughts to uphold






March 3


more chewing than you can shake a stick at


                           



March 2 


metro

have i really slept all night, i'll wait for the tepid aging and slightly curdled coffee and let you know as i type

tabs have failed me in sea-monkey how many revisions will i wait until someone fixes it

or did i use tables in the past to rectify this so let me rectify


rectify
rectify
justify
beautiful



i have rectified and justified  









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